Submitted by Jadyn on Sat, 05/03/2003 - 06:19
Posted in
I just copy and paste what I get for you folks to consider. I am guessing he wants to be a villain.
From (finkleaa@bellsouth.net) on Sunday, June 23, 2002 at 22:33:57
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charname: dark prince
gender: male
race: demon
bdate: 5/14/1939
position: gang leader
group: black knights
descript: wheres a long coat.very mean.bad guy.killed 200000 humans in life time.came here to make more vampires
history: can fly. jump really high. make fire with his eyes. shoot fire balls with his hands. blow winds up to 100 miles per hour.
items: all 200000 heads of the people killed
player: 18/burgerking/first game i played
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PC Submissions & Proposals (Jun 02 - Dec 02)
My initial thought is based mostly on grammar. There is an interesting idea for a flying evil mage/demon at its core however. It might need some work and someone to help him along with the role-playing bits.
My concerns are that it is a juvenile presentation and we are trying to uphold a high standard. Can this guy keep up?
Your thoughts? What do we tell him?
PC Submissions & Proposals (Jun 02 - Dec 02)
200,000 in 65 years? That's 8 people a day. Busy boy.....
dark prince...
a few questions...
1) burger king? as in hungry jacks? mcdonalds? eh?!?!?!? *blinks*
2) if he's a demon, how could he be coming to l.a to "make more vampires"? i thought only vampires made vampires? :?
3) how the heck does he carry 200,000 heads around with him?
PC Submissions & Proposals (Jun 02 - Dec 02)
OK, here's my two cents' worth...
On the plus side:
It's a different kind of character to anything currently in the game.
There's plenty of scope for character development.
On the minus side:
An apparent lack of technical writing skills. This is a fairly minor problem - the important question is whether he (I'm assuming it's a 'he') has the ability to write dramatically. Spelling and grammar can be fixed.
Limited detail presented. While offering scope for development, it would be nice to have a slightly more 'fleshed out' initial impression. Perhaps the player could be persuaded to expand on the profile? We could offer some existing character profiles as examples...
The final tally:
The overall presentation is somewhat underwhelming. However, we won't really know until he starts playing just what potential he has as a writer and roleplayer.
I'd say ask him for some more detail, pointing to other character profiles as a guide. If he actually decides to play (he may do a Zack on us...), we keep an eye on him as he starts out and if necessary offer pointers and suggestions. If he's not the kind of person who can take gentle suggestions then he won't be suited to our style of management anyway. :)
PC Submissions & Proposals (Jun 02 - Dec 02)
April -
1) Yes, Burger King is what we know as Hungry Jack's.
2) Damn good question - and something we'd need clarified from the player before he started.
3) I wondered about this one myself. I figure he keeps them in a warehouse somewhere. But imagine the smell!!!!
PC Submissions & Proposals (Jun 02 - Dec 02)
I definately agree that a little more detail is needed as to just what KIND of character he/she is wanting to play (that whole demon/vampire thing is just like huh?) I mean remember what poor Hannah went through to get HER character approved!!??
Are these people even reading the exisiting character profiles??
Oh and btw, have we begun advertising for new players yet - or are these just 'visitors' to the site??
p.s - 200, 000 heads???? Ewwwwwwwww
burger king
i know what burger king is... that wasn't what i meant... sorry if my question was a little vague. i was just wondering how that figured into his personal description... heheheh... *grin* :P
PC Submissions & Proposals (Jun 02 - Dec 02)
I'm guessing that would fall under "Occupation" unless he is actually a Burger King as in the exhaulted King of Burgerdom!
(maybe we should bow now?)
PC Submissions & Proposals (Jun 02 - Dec 02)
I agree, the demon/vampire thing needs to be clarified. Is he a demon with some sort of ability to vampirise people? If so, what's the mechanism?
I'd also like to have an idea as to whether his abilities are based on magic or are classified as innate powers? Does he have to do some sort of spell to shoot the fireballs etc. or is it simply a matter of will?
Eg, the difference between Serapis getting a soul out of an Orb of Thessela via magic ritual vs Victor simply being able to pull a soul out because soul sucking is his innate power.
I'd really like to see a little more detail in terms of background, motivations, etc. What makes this demon tick? Is he just here for the killing? Is there something else in life he wants? The other two demon pc's (or ex-pc in Talhu's case) in the game have purpose... Victor's on his soul-searching quest. Talhu is working towards getting back home (and not averse to causing a little mayhem on the way). What's the Dark Prince's agenda?
It doesn't have to be stated explicitly if the player wishes to reveal this as the game progresses, but some hint of purpose would be nice. (Eg, Jade's original background made no mention of being half-vampire, but there were definite indications that she'd discovered something major about 4 years prior to the game commencement.)
And another thing.....
Also, what's the deal with his gang, the Black Knights? I'd like to see something about them too. Roughly how big is the gang? What's their agenda? Do they hang out in LA? Or is the Dark Prince on sabbatical?
Have all these people he's killed been by himself, or with the gang's help? Have they been individual deaths or big group explosions? Where the #$#%@ DOES he keep all those damn heads????
PC Submissions & Proposals (Jun 02 - Dec 02)
I sent the following email to "The Dark Prince" by way of reply. His email is shown above, and if you'd rather reply to him personally, please feel free.
I'll keep you up to date on any revisions I recieve.
PC Submissions & Proposals (Jun 02 - Dec 02)
April,
Each petition I've recieved has been because of a wandering visitor. Aside from BuffyGuide, I've not advertised this site anywhere.
Dave
PC Submissions & Proposals (Jun 02 - Dec 02)
Not having much to do at them moment (in-between studying and working - but hey it's the summer vacation!) I've actually started advertising for new players on BOTH The Bronze and All Things Philosophical... since these seemed to be the most popular places for picking up new players.
Erm, this is a sample of what i have been posting on the message boards -
Oh and Dave, I resent the implication that my character's profile is excessively long! I know there are several other players whose profile is MUCH more comprehensive than mine! :P (oh and just incase there is any confusion, i am joking here!)
Character Petitions (a whole Passel of them)
Below is the result of your feedback form. It was submitted by
(trevman203@hotmail.com) on Tuesday, July 2, 2002 at 21:19:36
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charname: William
gender: Male
race: Vampire
bdate: 01/23/1950
descript: strong
history: strong
items: axe
player: computer games
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and my reply...
Sorry, this petition needs a little more detail. Can you give us some idea of this character's motivation? Desires? Or even what he looks like? Without a little more detail abouthis personality it is sort of impossible to determine if He will be a good fit in our game.
Character - Raven
Below is the result of your feedback form. It was submitted by
(i_kant_cpel@yahoo.com) on Wednesday, July 3, 2002 at 11:31:47
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charname: Raven
gender: Female
race: Love/Sex Goddess
bdate: August/15/1984
position: leader
group: The Realm of Ravens
descript: blonde hair, black eyes, tall, 18, wanted for grand theft auto, come from a background of goddesses and gods, was one of faiths friends (is that alloud?),
history: love spells, sex drive enhancers, small miracle workers, animal transformation, ability to move objects with mind
items: items?
player: love acting, singing, know belly dancing, lesbian, im 18, love ravens pretty birds
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My comments...
I feel this is a viable character. A little lusty, but who are we to talk? I am holding a reply for the group.
PC Submissions & Proposals (Jun 02 - Dec 02)
Below is the result of your feedback form. It was submitted by
(Tanomany@hotmail.com) on Wednesday, July 3, 2002 at 15:47:35
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charname: Solar
gender: Female
race: Witch
bdate: 13/9/1984 USA/Iowa
position: Powerful
group: I fly Solo
descript: Black Hair, Purple Cat/Like Eyes, Curvy Body
history: She can move things with her mind
Also controls the Earth Elements
But she can only get her energy from the sun e.g the name Solar
items: A Ring-Very powerful given to her by a socerer!
A Scar-that her father gave her, it goes through her lips
player: I am Tania, I am a very mistical person i draw anything from vampires to sea creatures. i am 16 years old... and i want to be a docter when i am older to change the world (how chessy does that sound) Thats me...bye
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My comments...
Another viable character. What is it with the telekinesis? Again, holding a reply for the group.
PC Submissions & Proposals (Jun 02 - Dec 02)
Below is the result of your feedback form. It was submitted by
(haden@nme.co) on Wednesday, July 3, 2002 at 16:39:07
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charname: Logan
gender: male
race: human
bdate: 08/04/1979 England/Cradley Heath
position: n/a
group: n/a
descript: Logans was raised by his mother(a slayer) and his father (a watcher) until they were killed by a band of vampires when he was 10 years old. Logan himself was bitten and left for dead but thanks to the knowledge he learnt from his father managed to save himself.
The watchers council tried for years to catch the vampires but Logan grew more impatient and distant from the people around him. Eventually he left the safty of the council to seek his own revenge.
He travelled around for many years honing his skills and learning many new ones. He Has sworn never to rest until he finds the vamoires who destroyed his life.
Logan is now 26 years old. 6ft 2in and in good shape. He is a loner and doesnt let people get to close to him for fear of losing them. He still to this day always wears black as a sign of mourning for his parents.
history: Logan has the strength and agilty of a slayer, he has a vast knowledge of weapons and martial arts, he is highly knowledglable in the history and mythology of all the dark forces and due to the vampire bite Logan has amazing powers of recover and can withstand large amounts of injuries and recover almost immediately.
items: various weapons from blades to firearms. His mothers cross and his fathers oldest book on vampires. Various implemants and artifacts he has aquired on his travels.
player: 23, male, uk, manager of shop,first game.
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Best of the new submissions! He may need some toning down of the background (a little) but overall I like it!. My suggestion? Invite the guy to join.
PC Submissions & Proposals (Jun 02 - Dec 02)
OK, here goes...
William: Um, yeah, it'd be nice to actually know something about this character...
At this stage I'd say more info before we could even begin to consider it.
Raven: Rowr! Not that most of our characters actually NEED sex-drive enhancers.. :roll: Again, a little more detail could be nice - especially the background. Motivations, goals, traumatic events? And just a small detail - if the character is meant to be 18, she should be born in 1987, not 1984....
Based on what we have here, I think this could be a goer.
Solar: Ooh, elemental magic!! We haven't had one of them yet. :) Once more, a little light on for detail.... *sigh*
Another good potential one here.
Logan: Ok, a nice well-rounded background here (God, I feel like I'm at a wine tasting....). I suppose it's one of the problems with a vampire hunter type character that the easiest motiviation to find is having your family killed - so that makes 3 of us now.... Hmm, strength and agility of a slayer. Just 'cause his mother was a slayer? Maybe he could be a little stronger and faster than normal, but slayer strength is pretty awesome for a human. And what is it with these vampire bites?? Is Tash the only character who's been bitten by a vamp who didn't become half-vamp or develop amazing recuperative powers as a result? Though I suppose she has her 'pet' Fae to keep her alive... :)
On the whole, I like this character. It makes the hunter scene a little more crowded, but there are only so many archetypes to go around. :)
PC Submissions & Proposals (Jun 02 - Dec 02)
Well, it looks like that ad of yours has done the trick, Louisa. :) 5 people so far have submitted characters. Way to go, girl! :D
PC Submissions & Proposals (Jun 02 - Dec 02)
Okay since I'm being bugged for my opinion ( :P to Heather!) here it is....
William: Very vague, i don't think it's enough to simply write "strong" for your character's background or description.
Raven: Just a little more clarification would be nice - if she is supposed to be a God then how is she here in a mortal/physical existance. Does the fact that she is Faith's old pal make her evil??? But still sounds very interesting and very different from anything we have at the moment.
Solar: Again i would like to see a little more about her character background like what she is doing in LA, what her motivations are - perhaps if she has a coven affiliation in the US or is she a solitaty practitioner (okay so this is just the wiccan in me comming out)
Logan: Agree with Dave, character has a much 'stronger' background than other applicants with a lot of room to build upon - agree with Heather that maybe a little more clarification on what his 'power/abilities' actually ARE and their origin would be appreciated.
:)
Rick/Revenge
Name: Rick/Revenge (His friends know him as Rick and his Enemies know him as Revenge)
Race: Half demon/Half human
Birth Date and Location: May14, 1975 Mexico, Durango
About the Player:
I LOVE playing football I'm on the varsity football team of my high school. I have a girlfriend. I like all things related to Buffy and Angel. I am 17 years old and I work part time at my dad's grocery store. I live in Chicago, Illinois, USA
Description:
Rick's really a good guy but with a bad guy attitude. He's half demon and half human.
He wears glasses is 6'0 feet tall and weights about 215.
When he's in a fight his body turns into a skull like suit with jagged spikes on his arm and a horn sticking out of the top of his head the horn symbolizes his attitude and power. Spikes also stick out of his knees and the tip of his feet
History:
He fights demons because before his mother died her wish was that Rick/Revenge would become a fighter for the side of good and help rid the world of the most dangerous of evils and bring peace to humanity. When he's human he's a sensitive guy (not like crying sensitive) he understands other people and won't turn his back on someone who needs help. He will do whatever it takes to help someone and he keeps all his promises. He knows when the time is to fight and when the time is to talk and relax and he won't pressure anyone to do anything they don't want. If he has to he'll do everything on his own if that's the only way that other people won't get hurt. He would rather take all the pain himself instead of seeing his friends or innocent people hurt.
Rick hates vamps to since they turned the love of his life into a vampire. She is still a vampire because he couldn't kill her even though she killed his brother. Rick had to kill his own dad and he watched his mother die and his brother was killed right in front of him. He is very tortured person.
Items:
His only item is a sword and his chain that the love of his life gave him and of course the usual things a traveling guy would have.
Powers:
Strength about twice normal human, and when in demon form he has spikes and he has special venom he shoots out of his mouth. The venom can be used to freeze, burn, or kill.
vampdragon24@msn.com
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Heather and I spoke with this guy last night and finally got his character profile ironed out (there were some file compatability problems). But this is what he submitted
I like the idea of a demon/human mix rather than a vampire human mix (since we are flush with that) and he seems a nice enough guy (if somewhat quiet).
Looks like an interesting character.
PC Submissions & Proposals (Jun 02 - Dec 02)
Ooooh nice and angst ridden just how we like 'em! ;) Rick looks like a really cool character, with a well structured background - and wow, some pretty cool powers too!
BTW - how DOES that venom thing work?
Okay i'm gonna give it a smiliey :D -
Character Petition - Sam Aubrey
Below is the result of your feedback form. It was submitted by
(sidsiclid@hotmail.com) on Thursday, July 4, 2002 at 20:28:25
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charname: Sam Aubrey
race: Human
gender: Male
bdate: 05/28/1974
group: Cult of Fascion
position: Herd (vampire food)
descript: Height: 5'11"
Weight: 170 1bs.
Ethnic: White
Sam is blondish, and, according to his father, stupid-looking. But Bunny, his ex-wife, called him bookishly handsome. His friend Bill always called him "Goober."
The more Sam looks in the mirror (and he looks in the mirror a lot), the more he sees a good-looking guy. Just dumb. Why does he always have to look so dumb?
Maybe if he'd just do it and change out of that green jacket and put on a nice shirt, he'd look cooler, better-suited for L.A. Maybe he'll give that a try. For sure.
He's built, alright, though no one can tell under his floppy corduroy pants, another thing he'd like to change. His trim, muscular physique comes compliments of years of working for the timber industry. Sometimes he wishes he'd worked there in high school. He'd have given the bullies a nice little surprise.
Nice. Yes, that's how Sam looks. Boring and NICE. His mother always called him nice.
He has her eyes.
history: Sam Aubrey is a meek, pathetic victim.
He admits it.
He was born in Grants Pass, Oregon in 1981, and there he grew up only because growing up was what came naturally—-he took no active role in bettering himself as a person. His father, Dennis, was highly intelligent and abusive, and his mother, Sandy, fell into the role of the disappointed housewife. These were his adult models. The prospect of living always seemed pointless to Sam, yet he lived, nevertheless. He lived every day as if walking through a linear maze with walls cut from steel.
Directly out of high school, Sam went to work for Bob Strombeck Forest Products, a mill five miles east of Grants Pass. He only applied because BSFP happened to be hiring the day his father threw him out of the house. He was 18. It would be three months before Sam could afford his own apartment; in the meantime, he stayed with the parents of his high school friend, Bill. This arrangement lasted for all those long three months, then Sam found an apartment in downtown Grants Pass, down below the train tracks. The rent was $240 a month, and the place came complete with a shared bathroom, a shared kitched, and a rape-scene through the walls every night.
But life went on.
His days as an official adult continued as though he’d never left home. He still had to get up early and complete a list of monotonous chores (pulling green chain, his first year at BSFP), and the tyranny of his father was replaced by the tyranny of his new boss, Mr. Kyle. Sam feared his boss.
And still, life trudged on. . .
Sam fell for the first girl who would have him, Bunny, an Asian exchange student attending the Rogue Community College police academy program. They met at a low-life bar (never a good sign, but Sam was never one to notice flashing red lights), and they were married six months later. Bunny turned out to be just like “dear old Dad.” He feared her. And, yes, she wore the foreman's cap in the marriage.
They were married for almost two years.
Sam was twenty when he came home one morning in October after a long night working the graveyard shift—-and discovered Bunny and Bill frolicking in bed together. Sam couldn’t react to this horror, couldn’t speak past the sickness in his throat. He sat down at the foot of the bed and simply turned away, his hands brusing the coldness of Bill's bare feet. Bill quietly got out of bed and dressed. No words were exchanged, no apologies given. Both his so-called friend and wife left the house together. They never came back. Days later, Sam heard the news from Bill’s roommate, that Bill and Bunny had left for L.A.
And life came to a stand-still.
Sam cracked under the screeching momentum.
There would be no more quietude. He would not be treated like this. He was ready to melt the walls of his maze and step through to the outside, where people fear and die, and love is a mortal thing.
For the first time in Sam’s existence, he found a purpose. He was going to make Bill and Bunny pay. Where better to find violence and vengeance than in L.A.?
Blindly, he took off for Los Angelos like a bat across the moon. . .he took a Greyhound bus. He entered the big city with three hundred and three dollars in his pocket, a skill-less life rotting behind him, and a hateful seed in his chest. Sometimes, even nowadays, he swears it beats but once a minute. He doesn’t even feel human.
In one short week Sam had lived himself down to his last thirty dollars. Finding Bill and Bunny was proving to be impossible, laughable--even he admitted that. She wasn't working for the L.A. police department, not yet anyway.
What was he doing in L.A.? What did he expect to find, really? Was he going to be a murderer? Did he even have it in him? Or was it only wishful fantasizing?
And what in the hell was he doing that dark night, rocking a stool in that little shit-hole? What was the place called?
He checked the napkin under his bottle of cranberry juice: "Bob’s Bar."
It was in this small bar that he met Kimmie. Kimmie was beautiful, wealthy (she could afford to buy him healthy beverages), and OH GOD so nice. Sam didn’t know people grew up to be so nice. Maybe he should have been born in L.A., like her. Maybe if he’d been born here he’d be nice too. Either that or he’d have grown a backbone. Oh, to have a backbone. . .that would be nice. Nice.
He’s not sure what Kimmie sees in him. She’s some religious freak, he thinks. She’s part of some group. She meets with people called “Fascions.” And she'd like Sam to join. In fact, she insists. More and more. Just tonight, in, fact, she brought it up. Last night, too.
Join? No, Sam has to find a job, get a permanent residence. He can’t be wasting time with God-fanatics. They don’t understand agnostics like Sam. They'll want to convert him. Maybe they'd have succeded a few months ago with the "old" Sam. But not now! Sam is nobody's victim no more! Right?
But how can he refuse? Kimmie’s letting him stay at her apartment until he gets on his feet. That deserves a little patronage, does it not? Oh, maybe he should humor her. Yes, Sam knows it's true: he's wishy-washy to the end.
Okay, so he'll tell her the next time she pops in. Sure, he'll meet her friends. Show up for a meeting. Make an appearance. Be social.
Odd though. Kimmie never seems to be home. Where does she go at night?
items: * A photograph of Bunny Aubrey, his ex-wife.
* A checkbook, full of bounceable checks.
* A metal box with his resume and a letter of recommendation from his high school art teacher.
* Several changes of clothes. One pair of shoes (dirty sneakers).
* A marriage certificate.
* A near-empty book of phone numbers
* A gold watch his mother got him for graduation: hock value of $30.00.
* A Grants Pass Central Credit Union complimentary pen.
* A dime-store novel. He actually bought it at the Dollar Tree two weeks ago, but he likes calling it a dime-store novel. Sounds cool. People like cool in L.A., so he figures. The books is about mice or something, and men and stuff. He hasn't read it, but its author sounds all famousy and stuff. Carrying it makes him feel smart.
powers: Sam is strong and durable, physically. He doesn't smoke or drink or due illegal drugs. His face and body look the part.
He has an innocence about him, making him trustworthy, though not necessarily respectable.
He can sing! Just like a member of a choir! He doesn't know about this talent yet. He's never tried. Not even in the shower. That would be embarrassing
Sam is capable of toughness, but he has to fight his meek upbringing. He will kill if necessary, but the chances of him bringing such a "skill" to the surface are not promising. . .unless seriously provoked.
played_by: James Spader
player: My name is Sid Siclid. I started roleplaying with the James Bond roleplaying game. I didn't care for Dungeons and Dragons; instead, later, I fell into the Call of Cthulhu roleplaying game. In the early 90's I ran several successful Vampire the Masquerade campaigns. I haven't gamed in recent years.
I'm 31 now. I work as a night auditor in Arcata, California. I've never kicked the gaming bug. Guess I'm a nerd. Once a gamer, always a gamer.
I am a better referee than a player, so this should be an intersting challenge for me.
I have a girlfriend, so I'm not here looking for love. I'm interested in roleplaying.
Hello. Nice to meet you.
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Dave says: Lets sign this guy....
PC Submissions & Proposals (Jun 02 - Dec 02)
We have to have Sid!!!! Sign him up - now!!!!!
PC Submissions & Proposals (Jun 02 - Dec 02)
I like the idea of Rick's character, too. I'd like to know how he manages to control which type of venom he shoots. Does he have to hold his tongue a certain way, or does he just 'will' the right stuff to come out?
Man, you wouldn't want this guy to get a cold......
I say we invite Rick in, too....
PC Submissions & Proposals (Jun 02 - Dec 02)
Having spoken to Neil last night (who submitted Logan), we've got a better idea of how his healing came about. It's not (as I first thought) yet another half-vamp. Hallelujah! After being bitten, the 10 year old Logan tried a spell of his father's to heal himself, and got it a bit wrong, resulting in a permanent effect. Handy, I say.....
We've suggested he tone down the strength to something in the human range - he can be at the top of that range, but not supernaturally strong...
With these issues sorted, I'd say Neil's ready to come on board. :)
wow...
hi guys... *waves* here's my 2 cents worth.
on raven - woah... *grins* a sex goddess? sex drive enhancers? heh... at this rate, l.a by night's going to have cyber-nanny and netpatrol on it's tail! ah what the heck... bring it on, we'll deal with it! 8)
on solar - i have my apprehensions. her ability to control the elements sounds a little over the top. doesn't this practically make her all-powerful? how common is this kind of ability among wiccans? also, the ring. what kind of powers does it hold? i think we need more detail here before we give it the go-ahead.
on logan - *gulps* jade's gonna have problems with this one huh? :? (i'm guessing he's not gonna be as easy as to win over as tash was. the brownies are definitely not gonna score points in this case!) his profile looks good though, i see lotsa good collabs coming from this! heh...
on rick - hmmmm... a sword and a tortured soul. *chuckles* robin, i think u've found a friend for sorrow here. oh wait, forgot about the whole anti-vamp thing. oh bollocks to that, rick's hatred for vamps is only a teensy weensy problem. :wink: after all, how often can a person find a angst-ridden, sword wielding bosom buddy?
on sam - wowwwwwww... *applauds* perfect! we need normal humans in the game... *coughs* ok, well, so he likes being sucked on. *coughs again* show me a guy that doesn't and i'll show you a bloody liar. heh...
THe characters are still coming in
Below is the result of your feedback form. It was submitted by
(spikesbuffymuffy@hotmail.com) on Saturday, July 6, 2002 at 14:51:54
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charname: Amber Rose
race: Human
gender: female
bdate: 11/4/(she is 23 and i have no clue when this takes place) in LA
group: none
position: none
descript: Amber Rose is a Wiccan who grew up in L.A. Her entire family is dead and she lives alone by the Hotel Angel used to own.
history: Amber was 7 years old when her family was killed by demons, she was always a wiccan but this helped her develop her magick. She has always lived in LA and still lives in the house she grew up in.
items: Magick Book-to do magick
~
Knife of Gargon-a magical knife once possessed by a god
~
Neclace of Terrance-a necklace that protects her from being killed...but not from pain
~
powers: She can throw Fire, water and Ice. Amber Rose can teleport to other locations, she can also move things with her mind.
played_by: Rose McGowen
player: I am 12...going on 13. My name is Rachel and I RP regularily in the Bronze. I love roleplaying and I also write fan fic.
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Thoughts: I was confused if she lives in a house or in the hotel...maybe the house is next to the hotel. Again with the telekinesis! There isn't a lot of original stuff here, but its at least a fully formed character. If she's a regular on the Bronze then she will write cohesively.
Just my initial impressions...
PC Submissions & Proposals (Jun 02 - Dec 02)
Ok
So, here's my opinion
I think that you need way more info to make a decision on William.
Raven could be cool but she needs to be fleshed out more.
What exactly can Solar do and why? I don't understand how her powers are related to the sun. Is it the ring? What about the ring? How does it work and why? Just need more detail here.
I like Logan. His bacground is a bit unclear but still pretty cool.
I love the Rick character. The whole half-demon thing I am a sucker for. (Love Doyle forever) He should be a keeper.
I must say I love Sam. What an original idea. Go with it. If we can get him involved, he should be great.
Amber. Another Wiccan, but I am partial to them. (Wonder why) I like this idea, and would like to see more detail. I am not sure if the character isn't too much like others we already have. More fleshing out would help.
Well, I am so excited that so many people are interested in us. How cool are we? (just kidding)
Status Report
The character "William" and the "Dark Prince" have been officially rejected. They have both been invited to try again.
The others "Raven", Amber" and "Solar" are still pending. I keep hearing "more detail" is there a way we can change the application to suggest that that is something we are looking for?
Just a thought
PC Submissions & Proposals (Jun 02 - Dec 02)
Also just one thing with the character Amber - well really it's with the player - doesn't 12 seem a little young for what antics we get up to? I don't know i know age and maturity are two different things but i just thought i'd throw it in to the mix with everything else...
I don't really like the idea of imposing an age limit on players but I'm just worried about not only the content of what we have already written (lots of violence and the occassional sex scene) but also the quality of writing a 12-year-old will be capable of, *shrugs* maybe it's just me - just thought i'd air a few concerns of mine :)
amber rose
like louisa, i'm not too comfortable with the idea of a 12y.o reading the kind of stuff we post up. *sheepish look* :oops:
then again, alice and hannah are both 14 and they've been coping well enough. (errr, at least, i'd like to think so?) i guess it depends on how mature the individual is when it comes to dealing with what's on the game board. after all, whether or not the person's a player, he or she is still able to see what goes on...
my main concern when it comes to amber rose is this - how many powerful wiccans are there gonna be in the game? i'm not saying there should be a limit to the number of players per category (wiccans, vampires, demons, whatever!), but the characteristics of each of them should be unique enough so that the pcs are easily distinguished from one another. right now, they're are getting too similar for my tastes. :roll:
of course, my impression is based solely on their character profiles. the differences could come across very strongly when these people actually start posting on the game board, there's no way of telling... *shrugs*
PC Submissions & Proposals (Jun 02 - Dec 02)
Yeah April I'm also a little concerned about the number of wiccans hanging around if only because they all seem the same, I'd like to see ONE wicca without telekinetic powers and maybe something different like morphology or invisibility or maybe someone with powerful glamour magic...
GEEZ there is a list of loads of different powers in Sindell's Magical Proficiency rating - they shouldn't be stuck for ideas!
Just as i wouldn't want to run across an exact copy of Jade or Sorrow I also don't want to be wandering around a bunch of witches that have exactly the same power base as my own character
PC Submissions & Proposals (Jun 02 - Dec 02)
Though as April has pointed out, based on the profiles alone it's hard to tell exactly how similar or different a character will be.
Take Sorrow, for instance. Robin signed up a little way into Season One and I was worried reading his profile that he was a carbon copy of Tash. Well, we all know that that is definitely NOT the case!!
Differences will crop up in play, but I do agree that it would be nice to see a spread of powers, rather than the same ones cropping up again and again.
PC Submissions & Proposals (Jun 02 - Dec 02)
Just getting the feeling that anything that isn't nailed down will be flying around the place - wow telekinesis is DANGEROUS!!! ;)
I would LOVE to see some DIFFERENT ORIGINAL powers!! PLEASE!!!
Remember, "Variety is the spice of badness"
PC Submissions & Proposals (Jun 02 - Dec 02)
Gee what a response! Initially I posted quite frantically on The Bronze which seems to have the highest turn over of posts - less so on ATPObtvs - since it seems to piss them off :oops: sorry to anyone from ATPO!!!!
Anyway! Haven't done any ads for a few days - nice to see people are still coming to check out our little game after seeing the previous ads on The Bronze and ATPObtvs
Oh and i'm getting excited about Season 2 now!!! *big grin*
PC Submissions & Proposals (Jun 02 - Dec 02)
Way to go. Now we will have more characters than we know what to do with. (Just kidding!) I am getting excitedt too. I am going to try to get in the habit of posting more so I can get more involved for next season. Yay!!!
PC Submissions & Proposals (Jun 02 - Dec 02)
I have to agree with April and Lousia. What is the point if all the characters can do exactly the same things? However, when I designed my character, I thought she was going to mainly be a witch. As it turns out, Daye is more of a researcher than a witch. She can and often does find obscure information and I want to develop this strenght even more in season 2. So, we should be wary of dismissing ideas out of hand.
PC Submissions & Proposals (Jun 02 - Dec 02)
I need to pipe in and say that Amanda's age is very much a concern. Not as much as for the quality of writing--we learn through practice, mimicry, and immersion in the presence of other writers. I for one would feel proud if we could give Amanda a welcome place to polish her skills.
But I fear the incident where:
1) She's engrossed in the story
2) Rachel's mom comes in and reads "Amber fell to the floor, the man's face pressed into her neck...she pushed, she threw her shoulders into his chest and wriggled, but he held her down and consumed her from the inside. There arose a smile in his eyes. . ."
3) Rachel's dad gets involved and pulls her from the game
Sigh. No more Amber. We have to NPC-afy her.
Ugh.
Still, if Rachel has already been writing at the Bronze, fan fic and such, perhaps her parents aren't all that worried. But I for one would need to be sure of this, because I won't pull any punches when it comes to writing for Sam, as long as good taste is preserved.
Character Submissions (a new batch)
Characters are still coming in. So here is five more for your consideration.
I'll post my notes at the bottom of each one.
Please feel free to email these people and let them know what you think! They have put a lot of effort into some of them and they deserve some feedback.
Derek Park
Below is the result of your feedback form. It was submitted by
(andrew_kim316@yahoo.com) on Sunday, July 7, 2002 at 04:10:12
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charname: Derek Park
race: Human
gender: Male
bdate: 11/24/78 Seoul, Korea
position: Detective
descript: a 5'10, Korean. Who knows a lot about demonology, because of his high IQ of being a detective. He's a researcher.
history: Highly skilled detective at an age of 27. When he was a boy he had a hard time making friends, because of his high IQ (people were jealous). When he turned 13, he moved to America to move on with his life. But one day in his senior year of college. He encountered a demon, who stung him, and mysteriously gave him a power to cast spells with his hand without the book of magick.
He graduated from college, and now he wants to solve the mystery of this strange power, also solved the mystery of the existence of demons.
And, to solve the mysteries of crimes.
items: Bunch of mystery books.
Notebooks and pencils to write.
He carries around his laptop, to use it when he has nothing to do.
powers: Enable to cast spells with his hand.
played_by: John Cho
player: I am 15 years old. A Korean. And that's all I got.
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Comments: Of this latest batch this is the most original idea. I like the character and think that the international aspect makes it even more apealing.
Kain (who needs a new name without a doubt)
Below is the result of your feedback form. It was submitted by
(rickhoogenboom@hotmail.com) on Sunday, July 7, 2002 at 05:41:44
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charname: Kain
race: Vampire
gender: Male
bdate: 10-05-87 Holland, Rotterdam
position: Assasin?
descript: He is a vampire that respected by his group but disrespected by members of an other group because he never shows his face to other vampires then his groupmembers, so they don't know who kills them time after time. Sometimes he's upset about nothing and does stupid things but most of the time he's easy and cool.
history: He became a vampire in the year 1976. Before he became a vampire he was a mikman but he stopped at the wrong house and the people who lived there invited him to come in. There he became a vampire in the usual way. In the beginning he lived in the streets getting blood from hookers and other people who are late out at night. But he started to discover that he had skills for killing people without any sound. He also invited that with a selfmade crossbow it was much easyer to drain blood of his victims. because he could shoot them first and then the were much easyer to catch. And until now he lived his life by perfecting? his skills as an assasin. So he would be a great help for fighting other groups and have much fun? ;)
items: Crossbow: This crosbow out the 15th centurie is the favourite weapon of Kain. He is so skilled with the weapon taht he can kill every prey without a sound. His arrows are doped in an poisonthat works quikly and kills the victem without a sound.
big dagger: The dagger is not special but can be used for all kind of things as kill people but also for cleaning nails.
a bottle of blood: Kain always have this bottle with because sometimes he can't find a prey and he needs blood, he can take the bottle to still? the thirst
powers: He's very skilled in the assasin skill and he's very fast. He's not really strong but isn't the weakenst one also.
player: My name is Rick and i love rpg's i have all the final fantasies and also Baldurs gate 1+2 Icewind Dale Plane scape Torment And that kind of games. I am 15 And i am sil at school. I live in Rotterdam, Holland and i really want to joi this group
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Comments: A bad guy. We've not had any of those that sport this llevel of detail. I think he will (like most of those who have played bad guys) transition to a good character eventually it has brought some spice to our games having bad guy PCs. It has certainly opened up new sub plots and story lines.
Tommy D
Below is the result of your feedback form. It was submitted by
(adam_delonge@hotmail.com) on Sunday, July 7, 2002 at 09:51:42
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charname: Tommy D
race: human
gender: male
bdate: 02/15/81
descript: average height fellow with black hair. Australian decent. He is a guitarist in a band called JAMIE. Behind closed doors of his life he is a vampire/demon hunter.
Tommy is very talanted in martial arts manly Aikaido. knows some majicks but not many. binding spells and floating objects as such.
history: Tommy D was born on 15th of February in 1981. very skilled Aikaido Student, got awarded his black belt at the age of 12.
During school, he wasnt the popular kid. he hung around the school library and eventually found a book about witchcraft. he learnt a few spells but didnt follow through with it because a girl came into his life. Leah was one of the popular girls who never really knew Tommy D was there exept one night she is out late and is mugged by a stranger. Tommy coming home late from school sees what is happening and chases the theif after seeing to Leah. From then on Tommy and Leah were a couple but one fateful night on their 3rd anniversary they are coming home and a group of vampires attack. Tommy is Doing the best he can to fight them off but vampire strength eventually overcomes him. the vampires are scared off by a vampire hunting group. Tommy sees to his girlfriend but she has been killed by the pack.at was at that moment he vows to rid the earth of the things that killed his girlfriend. he is accepted into the ring of hunters and is now avenging Leahs death. 6 years later he has left the rogue Vampire hunter
items: crossbow, number of stakes, cross, and a necklace with a picture of the one girl he loved. oh and of course a guitar
powers: highly talented at martial arts, and small knowledge of witch-craft.
played_by: Ben Affleck
player: im adam, 17 year old student from australia.
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Comment: Another member of the "I lost my lover to the forces of evil" support group :wink: but seriously this is a well constructed idea that has a nice level of detail. Another Aussie...hmmm. I dunno I think we have reached our quota...(j/k)
Reah
Below is the result of your feedback form. It was submitted by
(mashedpotato26@hotmail.com) on Sunday, July 7, 2002 at 12:16:21
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charname: Full Name: Reanna Jamie Kossinton, Nickname: Reah
race: Human
gender: Female
bdate: 2/29/1984 - Australia, Broome
group: NA
position: NA
descript: Reah is 5'9", medium tanned complextion from growing up on Queenslands Sunshine Coast and also part Aboriginal, fit and toned body. She has a friendly face (that can be quite decieving) with short cropped light golden brown hair with blonde highlights that falls just above shoulder height. Generally wears a long black coat that falls below the knees and has a high collar that can cover her neck, strap up boots with a soft sole that allows for stealth, dark navy jeans, and a fitted black V-neck top.
Flaws
- can't cook
- vindictive
- impatient
- hates slimy things
- can't sing
- has a weakness for children, puppies, kittens, and other cute things
n left shoulder occasionly dislocates
history: BackGround
Reah was born on Australia's west coast on Feburary the 29th, 1984 and lived with her parents Shane and Cari (her mother was aboriginal), until 1988 when they decided to move to the Sunshine Coast so they could live with Shanes mother, the last of Reah's grandparents, who was sick and was unable to care for herself, but refused to leave the coast or move into a old folks home.
Reah's father excelled in martial arts and with the lack of a son decided to train Reah in many forms of combat, and occasionally took her to shooting ranges. Her mother Cari was not against Reah learning martial arts and handling guns, but insisted on Reah taking up dance so she could still maintain 'the grace that all girls should have', no matter how much Reah pleaded against it. Reah also maintained hobbies in surfing, skateboarding, life saving, and
motor-cross racing.
One night not long after her eighteenth birthday (4 and a 1/2 really) she was late home from surf life saving, because of a special congratulatory dinner for members only on passing their final. Upon returning home late that night/morning, she discovered her parents slautered and barely recognisable other than the small silver cross with the saphirelying beyond the reach of her mothers outstreatched fingers, and the broken silver chain around her mothers neck below two bloody puncture marks that also appeard on her fathers neck that was twisted at an unimagionable angle. Reah vowed to find who murdered her parents and reap vengence apon them.
Reah was ignorant of vampires and demons at the time of her parents death, but in hunting down the trail of her parents murderers, she soon discovered a new reality and the truth of what had happened to her parents.
She has since hunted vampires, trying to regain the satisfaction with life that she had lost, but has yet to find it and is begining to doubt she ever will.
Still following the trail of her parents killers she has travelled all over Australia, and across the world to Europe, Namely to Germany where she resided for the past two months and learnt a bit of German.
Not even sure if she is on the right trail of her parents killers, or any trail at all for that matter. Her life had become more of a seek and destroy evil vampire guys, and the occasional miscellaneous demon when she accidently walked into the wrong lair she believed would be a vamps.
Starting to lose hope in ever finding her parents killers, she comes to a realisation in her studies of vampires that it's ultimately every vampire that can be held responsable for her parents deaths and began to treat it as such. Her kills began to get as merciless as ever, her chases unrelenting and sometimes to great extremes.
Reah's most recent chases have taken her overseas to L.A. to track down a vampire that killed a mother and her baby that were in the park at some ungodly hour for some unknown reason that Reah couldn't care less about. They're dead, vampires...that's good enough reason to hunt and kill!
items: She owns a Katana that was given to her by her father for her '18th' or 4 and a half birthday.
Other weapons include; Cougar Magnum, Crossbow, her lucky throwing knife, a Katar made of silver, and of course stakes.
She has a black BMW R1100 SA motorbike that she claimed off a vamp she dusted in Germany.
Reah also wears a silver cross, with a saphire in the intersection, on a sliver chain around her neck.
powers: Reah has no sense of magic what-so-ever, only that it exists and that she can't channel it.
Her only special abilities is years of combat training in martial arts and weaponry, and a touch of dance that had developed her skills of hunting out vampires.
Over two years of practising stealthy ways and tracking, she has leart to cut out distractions and focus on individual trails.
Reah's sense of smell and taste are only as good as any average human, but her sense of sight and sound have sharpened over the years, but nothing phenominal. She is also ambidextrous.
player: Hi my real names Amanda...or is it? I come from the land down under, but i don't have that eggaturated accent! I've been known to be a c*** speller. I like to draw (dragons are my current specialty (i'm working on humans)) i like skating (on boards) dancing, ROLEPLAYING, not being stupid (though it rarely happens damn it) watchin buffy and other stuff like it! I read the wheel of time series...i hope robert jordan doesn't die *whimper* and i blabber on alot...there's also other things about me...but my fingers can only type so much!
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Comment: A really original idea that I say invite to come on board. Amanda was posting in the guestbook and is enthusiastic and obviously prolific (all good from my way of thinking). Feedback is appreciated.
Michelle Lawrence
Below is the result of your feedback form. It was submitted by
(angel_buffy_cordy_fan1@hotmail.com) on Sunday, July 7, 2002 at 17:51:29
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charname: Michelle Lawrence
race: Witch
gender: Female
bdate: 5.15.1979 Los Angeles/USA
group: Coven of Sindell
position: ??
descript: Good witch...but plays tough from the outside...doesnt let anyone in except people from the coven cuz she feels safe with only them cuz she has been hurt many times by some she has loved...Loves to kick ass and is really good in martial arts...and shes really smart...
history: Born and raised losangelian...but her dad left her mom and her when she was only 2 years old cuz he found out that her mom has sumkinda weird powers which Michelle inherited when her mom died in car accident when she was 12...she didnt go to school after the accident but she didnt really have to cuz she kinda knew everything they tried to teach her in school...so she found out this coven and joined...now shes really powerful witch...
items: she always carries a shoulder bag where she keeps all of her witch supplies and one stakes cuz she knows about vampires...
powers: Michelle doesnt have any active powers...but as i told before shes really good in martial arts...and can do all kinda spells and potions...
played_by: Natalie Portman
player: I havent really played any other games cuz i never get answers bak if they have accepted me...so...anyway im 15..im student so i dont really have job...i love to watch tv and i love my net :)and I really wish you people accept me here cuz this game sounds really cool...I heard it from CoA from someone...dont remeber who it was...ok well i gotta stop babling now...:)
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Comments: Another Witch, but this one does have a switch...She's also a martial artist. I would have appreciated a "MP" rating from the Sindell info but we can hash that out later. Its a doable character, and it'd be interesting to see how a Sindell (non cultist) will be in the game especially considering how many of them we left dead on the field.
PC Submissions & Proposals (Jun 02 - Dec 02)
The submissions for the characters "Raven", "Amber Rose" and "Solar" have been officially rejected. I sent them a nice letter (see below). I hope they will continue to read and comment on the game through the public areas.
PC Submissions & Proposals (Jun 02 - Dec 02)
in response to an earlier post of yours Dave about what could be done on the application to try and encourage that 'more detail' here are a few suggestions ~
Impose a word limit - say 200, 300 words that they have to write UP TO or OVER that amount in their Background.
Divide the Background into subsections that might help give applicants an idea of what we are looking for in a player bio like perhaps - Family History, Childhood, Growing Pains, Inner Turmoil, Quest for Individuality, Why is the character now in L.A? (just a random guess there but i'm sure you get my drift)
Maybe say that if a character has magical powers or super-human abilities/strengths they MUST say how said powers/abilities were acquired and the extent of that power/ability.
Hope that was of some help!
LA By Night and COPPA
Since age came up in this forum I did some research...and here is what I found.
Since we do collect personal information on members (email and first name) then we fall under the provisions of COPPA (Children Online Privacy Protection Act) which was enacted April 2000.
The short version is this...Children under 13 MUST provide parental permission to provide personal information. It can actually result in a fine if that requirement is not met.
Since this is a free site and I'd like to keep my legal fees to a minimum...from now on you must be over 13 to be a member of LA By Night. No 12 year olds...sorry.
This means that age IS a factor. It also means we need to maintain the PG-13 atmosphere in the game board. If you think its too much for a 13 year old, then don't do it. So far I think we've been pretty good. The violence and the language strys sometimes into the R-Rated arena from time to time, but overall I'd be okay with a 13 year old reading Season One. (okay, maybe I'd bleet out some of the language...and possibly one or two sex scenes).
I found a lot of info on COPPA at this link http://www.ftc.gov/bcp/conline/pubs/buspubs/coppa.htm and while I scanned it for the hotpoints I'd appreciate anyone with free time (and I know none of us have free time anymore) to read through it and look for other potential violations.
Right off the top I saw a privacy agreement, and a disclosure...which I think this board comes standard with in the FAQ.
Ah well...I never would have even thought of it but as we grow we will uncover such things that affect us as a community. You know e won't exercise any editorial restraint...I just ask don't get us into trouble ...please!
Your Friendly Neighborhood Admin.
PC Submissions & Proposals (Jun 02 - Dec 02)
Dave,
If we make the minimum age 13, there shouldn't be any problems. What might be a good idea is including in the application two things: a statement of the policy, and a box to check (default unchecked) to certify that the person is over 13. Just a potential thought after reading through the information on COPPA.
Feedback
Oh WOW! What a creative bunch we are attracting! WOW!!
Okay they are A LOT of these and a lot of detail to go through so i'm going to look at them one at a time.
Derek Park - yeah I agree with Dave here a very original idea like the fact that he is a detective too. I would like to know just WHAT powers the sting of the demon gave him - there are A LOT of potential powers out there... Does it just mean it gives him the power to spell cast? Or active powers such as teleportation and telekinesis??
I'd like to know more about that, as we've seen before it isn't good to give ONE character such 'all powerful' attributes - but essentially i like.
Kain - Ooooh ANOTHER Kain - might be confusing actually - think he might concider a name change?? TWO big bads with the name Kain seems a little trite to me. THere seems to be a little bit of uncertainty as to the character's actual position of assassin - is this a language problem or just confusion? The last is easily over come. Have no problem with a character who is happy to be 100% vampire so long as they realise the concequences of playing such a character... (like only ever being able to win the battle never the war)
Tommy D - I like - different perspective on the 'vampires killed my loved ones' nice group affiliation too. I like the background, etc, too - okay don't have any worries or concerns here what-so-ever :) i think he should be invited to join.
Reah - (awww that is my niece's name too!) - yeah another for the 'vamps ate my parents club!!!' you guys should start a support group! :) okay i REALLY like this character too - and i've 'chatted' through the gb with amanda - you've got to be impressed by someone who is reading the entire gameboard before her character has even been accepted!!! WOW that's dedication for you!! I say we should invite her in!!
Last but not least...
Michelle Lawrence - Nice spin on the witch template - like Dave i would also like to know where abouts in Sindell's framework she fitted. If she was born in LA it could be that she was a member of one of the overseas covens - that would give her an MP rating anywhere from 3 - 6 (good spell casting powers - that would fit in with her 'no active powers' thing too)
Okay done - i don't think there are really ANY major problems with any of the characters here - maybe a bit more clarification on the powers of the first but apart from that....
Geez it's gonna be getting crowded around here!!! Oh well the more the merrier i always say!! :)