Generally these things go to Dave via the application form, but this guy e-mailed his character submission directly to me instead. So, here it is for your perusal and comment...
-Type Of Character
skytso vampire with one good side and one evil side
-Gender
male
-Name
James"the ripper"Connor
-Birth Date
he cant rember
-Group Affiliation:
none
-Position:
none
Enter Character Description below:
tall thickley built man with short brown hair and blue eyes he usialy wares dusers jeans and boots but is not unknwon for him to ware sutes
Is there anyone you see playing the role of your character?
nope huge jackman perhaps
Enter Character History below:
james rembers little about his past life before his embrace
lucian , a romen-era vampire embraced james during the american revolutionary, james was a young blackwatch commandercalled the ripper for his nastey tendinces toward sthe enemies and soemtimes even his own men ,"he was a sorrow embrace " to hear james speak of it lucian couldnet bear to kill him when he'd only intened to feed of him ,so he gave james the embrace, in some form or other james has been fighting everysince learning all diffrent types of fighting styles and adampting what was best for him in those types and making his own special fighting style , he and his sire took over an alabama plantation with his sire in the eary 19th centuray feeding well and requlary from the slaves ,but when the war between the states forced him to take up arms once again ,after the warthe plantation was destroyed and the slaved free'd and his sire dead to a pack of unknown demons , he finlay settled down in a sleepy little town called milwaukee james mantained a simpel haven untill a pack of werewolfs ambushed him forcing him into a panicked fight , when he awhoke from his bezarker rage he realized what happened ,the Ripper had taken over and killed and drianed the werewolfs of there blood the ripper as he is called only appers when james is in a great deal of stress like during a battel that is why he is a nartal bron soilder his mind just shuts off and hbe dose what has to be done
Enter Characters Items with description below:
he carrys 2 sythes/syckels around with him he owns a small apartment in the wrongside of town ,he owns an black armoured van with blacked out windows he usials this when moving to another city
Enter Character Powers below: * :
the usial powers for a vampire but he has hightened speed even by demon standers he is abel to run over water,up walls.
We want to know the player too. Tell us about yourself (Other games you've played, age, job, etc.)
well my names jamie im from scotland and i enjoyed playing vampire teh masqurade and dungons and drgaons i liek lsiting to musick hardcore punk also i cnat spell for shit but when i write i always make sure my spelling is correct becuse its annoying trying to make out the mistakes in a persons story yes and i know that fact that ive mispelled alot of stuff on this is irnoic but anyway i hope you liked it
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Character Proposal : James "the Ripper" Connor (Ac
Uhmmmm.... :?
Not great on the detail, and he's certainly right about his spelling - it's execrable by anyone's standards. I trust that when (if) he makes board posts he'd use Word or something with a spellchecker.
The overall character concept of the good/bad vampire - hmmm. It's a bit like a stick-figure drawing of the masterpiece in oil that is Parasol. I get the feeling he's only vaguely skimmed through the site before submitting his character. Personally, I'd say the bare minimum a prospective player should look at are the current player characters to see what sort of mix we have, what sort of style we're looking for and what actors are already spoken for. :) (Though I must admit, his typo of "Huge Jackman" made me giggle. :wink: )
On the whole, a very reserved maybe - I'd be happier with it if there were signs of a more in-depth background, a plot hook, something to drive the character forward. At this stage we have no idea what James might want in LA, why he would or has moved there (it's not even clear whether he's still in Milwaukee or not) and what keeps him going. Is he purely a creature of the night, or is there something more to him? Is he trying to remember his past before he was turned? Does he have any redeeming features or is he simply a normal 'bad' vampire most of the time and a beserk 'evil' vampire when he's in Mr Hyde mode? Does he have any enemies that might follow him to LA? Is there any sort of ongoing agenda for him?
Right now it's like he's an extra in a B-grade horror movie... "vampire #3 who gets killed by the hero in Act 2". If Jamie can flesh the character out a little I'd be more than happy to look at it again, but as it stands right now - I'd have to give it the thumbs down.
This was the proposal he submitted
Below is the result of your feedback form. It was submitted by
(jamie_a_mac@hotmail.com) on Monday, July 14, 2003 at 15:24:55
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charname: James "the ripper" connor
race: Vampire
gender: male
bdate: 18,3,1989 glasgow,scotland day of death 5,8,1918
group: woudl i be alllowed to join the black viens
position: whatever they got
descript: a tall thickley built man with short brown hair and ocean blue eyes
history: james was bron with mental problems having a split personalitey one inatley good and one trueley evil
he was embraced by a romenera vampire called lucian during the american revoutionary war , he was a sorrow embrace becuase lucian couldnet bare to kill him
he took over an alabama plantation with his sire in the eary 19th century feeding regulary from the slaves but the american civil war,james eventualy had a turn making him chnage into the very nastey Ripper driaing his sire of his blood and killing him he qucikley made many enemies by his methos of gaing power and then the modern world descoverd drugs that are abel to repress multipel personalites which james now takes but if he ever misses taking a pill the ripper quickly takes his chance to come out
items: an intresting array of midevil weapons, a small apartment on teh worng side of town and a van with blakced out windows
powers: the reqular powers of a vampire except he if freakishley fast being abel to run over water and run up walls
player:
well im an experanced roleplayer ive played on vampire teh masqurade and dungons and drgaons and many oneline rpg games ((sorry if i postd more than once i think i didnt post it teh first toime sorryy if i did))
age: over13
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Character Proposal : James "the Ripper" Connor (Ac
Below is the result of your feedback form. It was submitted by
(jamie_a_mac@hotmail.com) on Monday, July 14, 2003 at 12:30:12
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charname: James "the ripper" connor
race: Vampire
gender: male
bdate: 18,3,1989 glasgow,scotland day of death 5,8,1918
descript: 6ft tall with short dark brown hair ,blue eyes and is well built
history: James was born in a working class area of Glasgow in the 19th centaury it became apparent he had mental "problems" at a very young age with his mood swings more homicidal than a regular mood swing he has multiple personality’s one called James Connor the nicest person you would ever want to meet and “the Ripper “ later to be known as the ripper of souls because of the mass embraces he preformed on human’s he was a survivor by nature during world war 1 he survived every push every gas attack and the disease and filth in the trenches until the last push near the end of the war when he got attacked by a vampire and embraced
((It’s a short one but I am planning to add more if I get in I find its better to add to the story as you go rather than let everyone know your entire past before you been play))
items: a truck with shaded black windows to keep teh sunlight out, a small apartment on the wrongside of town with borded up windows ,a long bow, a browd sword and 2 sythes
powers: he has the regular powers that most young vampires have except he has teh abalitey to move faster than the human eye can clearey see((in other words he leaves an afterimage as he moves))
player: im 17 and i like to play rpg games and i liek buffy and angel
age: over13
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His Latest Effort
Below is the result of your feedback form. It was submitted by
(jamie_a_mac@hotmail.com) on Wednesday, July 16, 2003 at 20:23:45
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charname: James "the ripper" Connor
race: Schizophrenic vampire with one good side and one evil side
gender: male
bdate: he cant truly remember his background he gets bits and peaces of it every now and again and Regularly suffers from nightmares
group: The Black Veins
position: help get revenge
descript: tall thickly built man with short brown hair and blue eyes he usually wares dusters jeans and boots but is not unknown for him to ware suits
history: James remember s little about his past life before his embrace
Lucian, a roman-era vampire embraced James during the American revolutionary, James was a young black watch commander called the ripper for his nasty tendencies towards the enemies and sometimes even his own men,"he was a sorrow embrace " to hear James speak of it, Lucian couldn’t bear to kill him when he'd only intended to feed of him, so he gave James the embrace, in some form or other James has been fighting every since learning all different types of fighting styles and adapting what was best for him in those types and making his own special fighting style , he and his sire took over an Alabama plantation with his sire in the early 19th century feeding well and regularly from the slaves ,but when the war between the states forced him to take up arms once again ,after the war the plantation was destroyed and the slaved freed and his sire dead to a pack of unknown demons , he finally settled down in a sleepy little town called Milwaukee James maintained a simple haven until a pack of werewolf’s ambushed him forcing him into a panicked fight , when he awoke from his berserker
rage he realized what happened ,the Ripper had taken over and killed and drained the werewolf’s of there blood the ripper as he is called only appears when James is in a great deal of stress like during a battle that is why he is a natural born solider his mind just shuts off and he dose what has to be done, During his time in Milwaukee James gained many enemies and friends during conflicts with rival gangs and sects of demons of various sorts he has earned a reputation of very difficult to kill: One story tells that James escaped a master vampire by dashing across a hundred yards of sunlight to safety, during one of his many excursions abroad James encountered two vampires by the name of Black Jem and Ebonia Sinclair in Peru where they quickly formed an unspoken friendship and love for Ebony .this was further amplified by Ebony saving his life from the slayer, James followed the two girls around where ever they went hoping he would have a moments happiness with ebony, alas Ebony never returned James love. Milwaukee in the 1950’s there was a massive upraising of carnivorous demon spawns doing very sloppy killings, causing James and the other vampires of the city to go on a war path ageist many demons the way James saw it the more demons the less food for vampires and the greater the risk of being discover by humans in a 3 year period James successfully wiped out the Milwaukee carnivorous demon population the demon spawn was a arcii demon which was a hive mentality demon which was noting better than an wild animal .This was later taken to an extreme when James had an episode were the ripper was let out for a 7 year rampage. The ripper did not only kill demons he killed anything that he considered competion for Evil which included demons, were creatures which, warlocks vampires and even some humans the entire magical community finally decided to put a stop to him and trapped him in an abandoned subway station and magically sealed it preventing the ripper from escaping thus the danger of the ripper was stopped, little did they know that the spell only worked for the ripper because James and the ripper are a different entity altogether allowing James to escape from the makeshift prison taking his leave of Milwaukee permanently he headed to New York, James ran into some trouble in new York by a master vampire by the name of methos , James and methos played cat and mouse games for a couple of months throwing there forces at one and other hoping to gain the upper hand , the upper hand came when a demon by the name of linch hired by James gravely wounded methos with his venom allowing James forced to move in and slaughter methos and his men. James unusually kept himself to himself apart form the fight with the master vampire ((this was for the protection the vampires of both groups could give him)) not wanting to draw any more attention to himself ((slaughtering a few hundred demons isn’t very good for the life expectancy of a vampire)) James recently heard the death of Ebony. ((The love of an immortal dose not die easily)) he picked up his belongings and headed south with 3 of his best men in the hope of catching the killer of Ebony and exacting his revenge
items: he carries 2 miniature scythes around with him he owns a small apartment in the wrong side of town which he uses as base, he owns an black armoured van with blacked out windows that he uses to move freely around the country
powers: the usual powers for a vampire but he has heightened speed even by demon standards he is able to run over water basically because he can disperse his weight evenly, up walls. When he runs he crates an after-image of himself, which confuses inexperienced fighters
played_by: do i realy have to mis spell it again
player: well my names Jamie McPherson I’m from Scotland and I enjoyed playing vampire the masquerade and dungeons and dragons I like listing to music hardcore punk also I cant spell for shit but when I write I always make sure my spelling is correct because its annoying trying to make out the mistakes in a persons story yes and I know that fact that I have misspelled a lot of stuff on this is ironic but anyway I hope you liked it am I very also if i messed up the charactor i would love some advise to make it better also sorry for me posting so much i just realy wanan get into this game
age: over13
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Character Proposal : James "the Ripper" Connor (Ac
Ok, I have to say the revised background is giving James a few more dimensions, particularly in relation to plot hooks (yay, Tash is being hunted by a beserker vampire! :)). Though I'm still not too sure about the non-beserker version of the vampire - but I'm presuming that he's a normal evil, nasty vampire until he's in beserk mode, when he's a psychotic, evil, nasty vampire with unstoppable rage.
My other main concern at this point is in relation to his powers. A normal vampire is pretty grunty in and of itself, and in James' case when he's in "Ripper" mode he's got the beserker rage thing going for him. Am I the only one who thinks that walking on water, running up walls and leaving multiple images behind when running seems a trifle excessive?
On the whole, I have to say this is much closer to a good, playable, balanced character - but not quite.
Character Proposal : James "the Ripper" Connor (Ac
I didn't think of the character much, it didn't quite strike me, however its the player who should be allowed to come in. I mean at first this character was refused, but rather then abusing (like a certain somebody else who did :roll: ) this player decided to try and try again....and thats how i like.
I mean the character may not be much but perhaps if we allow him in and then offer our support and help him flesh out the charcter, perhaps the charcter will have a greater appealing story?
Character Proposal : James "the Ripper" Connor (Ac
I just got this e-mail from James, and as we speak there are a handful of us online to help him with some detail. As Saadia has indicated, there's a lot to admire with the persistence in revising and reposting. That, to me, counts for an awful lot. This game is not so much about writing perfection as it is about enthusiasm and a willingness to tell a compelling story. :)
Character Proposal : James "the Ripper" Connor (Ac
I only have a question... well, two actually :D
why is this poll still active if Jamie is already writing in the game?
Shouldnt it be locked and and "accepted" written after his name?
Character Proposal : James "the Ripper" Connor (Ac
they do it to mock my crappe ness ness ness :cry:
Character Proposal : James "the Ripper" Connor (Ac
Awwww....
I'm sure it's not on purpose :P