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Soulless Zombie's picture

I've gone through some things recently, and all I can do is apologize. There is not one of you I don't miss. Not one. I feel as though, despite my recent absence, we once became friends, once upon a time. I know I haven't shown it.

What can I say? A bunch of lies? A truth? Since Christmas, I've been feeling useless, untalented, unskilled, and since Christmas I've felt like just another worthless American.

I'm no one to feel bad about or sorry for. I'm just another quitter. Make no mistake about that. For Dave, know that I'm no better than Moses when he doubted The Way for only that instant, which disallowed him access to the Promised Land. It only takes a moment of indecision. Now, I'm forever lost.

I'm not voting for sympathy, despite my current wording. I've stopped in to say that of all the online communities I've ever visited, this is THE BEST. Sorry: I'm not keeping up with the current storyline. I've just stopped in to say, KEEP ON TRUCKIN' ON.

I don't think this will be of use to anyone, but below is the SPINE I'd written for Sam--the plot-guide I'd once intended to follow. Feel free to ignore it. I suppose I want you to know that I wasn't writing aimlessly. Sam Aubrey had a story that was supposed to end with dignity. Read it or ignore it. At this point, it doesn't matter.

The "spine" that follows is it was written. I wrote it months ago. and am sad that I didn't choose to fulfill it. For those of you that bother to read it, it's not perfect. It's a rough outline that I intended to keep as a guide. Of course, it was only there to keep me centered. Circumstances change things. Other characters change things.

It's confusing to read, and I don't recommend trying. Most of it never occured, because I left LABN. Of those events that should have happened, all I can say is" things changed because of what other players wrote. I modified my plan according to circumstances.

I haven't edited what is to follow. It's in notation form, what I was to keep with me while writing. I think I'm putting it here only for a sense of completiion. I need to say good-bye to Sam and to you all.

Good-bye. Thank you for taking me in, in the same way your characters took Sam in. I wish I was a better person, good enough to have been able to remain among your company. YOu are all very talented. I respect you all. Anonymously, I'll drop in from time to time to see how you are doing. If any of you feel left out, think that I'm not remembering you personally...WELL DON'T. Each of you affected me, and I'll remember the times we shared.

Please have good lives.


Jeffrey Frederick Haines
Sidney Samuel Siclid
I enjoyed myself


Sam’s “Spine”:
Will Samuel Brendan Aubrey prove that he’s smart, respectable and, in the grand scheme of things, a worthy birth, all the while keeping The Idea inside, the universe from ending?Answer: Yes and No and Yes. He proves he’s smart, respectable—and a worthy birth, because he was destined to destroy the universe. Scary but worthy. However, because of the type of person Sam was, respectable with respectable friends, he was able to stop the universe from ending. He was smart enough to listen to their advice. Sadly, this comes at the cost of more than his life. His existence fades.

In time, he will not be remembered by friends. Only the strongest willed among them will recall that he ever existed. But it will be a struggle for even them. Only the person who has Thumper will remember. Or watch Hanson videos. His physical deeds are permanent, but thoughts of him disappear.


Sam gets The Idea. Why does he get The Idea? A homeless man carried the Die Angst-Idee and showed it to him. (He showed him the Dread side of the book,, of course, not the Beloved. Otherwise, this story would not be a charming drama).

Midseason 1 events and several of season 2 take place. Sam insinuates himself in LA.

Chapter One

Brinkley Hunts Sam. Why does she hunt Sam? He carries the Idea.
Sam is feeling dumber than ever. Nobody respects him. Decides he must command respect in this world if his birth was to be worth it. Right now, he thinks that if someone loves him, he’s worth living. He must exhibit mind over matter.

Sam sings to Bunny at Tech Wit. He captivates her, then he tries to dance.
Sam can’t dance. Bunny laughs in his face! He’s humiliated!
During the song—“They call the wind Mariah”—a wind picked up.
--The wind picks up. Hanson lead singer killed on top of a building.
Brinkley sees Sam briefly as he runs from Tech Wit. Sam escapes in Hesch’s cab.
Brink checks with Bunny about “this Sam character.” Bunny has no idea.
Brinkley tells Ra that she almost caught The Idea in the body of a singer.
Ra makes fun of her for losing him. Her pride is at stake.
Ra puts out an ad for a new singer for Hanson, trying to lure Sam.
Sam goes home and falls asleep, hoping to forget the incident. He couldn’t face Bunny.
Thumper won’t let Sam dream of Mariah. He zips it up.
Sam seeks Mariah. Mariah clears Bunny from his mind temporarily.
Killroy mad at Hesch for his engagement to Kimmie. Threatens him. Hesch runs.
Brinkley seeking out Sam.
Brinkley asks Mr. Oliver “Wit” Dewitt, another Keeper, to get Sam’s address.
Mr. Oliver “Wit” Dewitt tells Bunny to get his address on the comp. Mailer.
Thumper saves Sam’s life from monsters.
Sam starts taking Thumper everywhere, but leaves it on the shelf at night.
Hesch buys himself five bunnies to protect himself from Killroy.
Maddy can’t keep Hesch from marrying Kimmie. The wedding plans are on.
Sam confronted by demons, surrounded. Hesch’s rabbits save him. Remembers Bunny.
Bunny is fed up with Bill and this pregnancy.
Sam goes to face his fears: talk to Bunny—agree that they won’t run from each other.
Sam starts buying his CD’s at Tech Wit.
Bunny tells Sam “that woman” was asking about him.
Sam seeing Bunny often. Starts falling for her again.
Bunny gets Sam to give his address for the mailer.
Sam gets Bunny a job as a cop. Wit Dewitt is none too pleased.
Sam starts sleeping with Thumper, talking to it like it was Bunny. (Reah hars?)
Maddy finally breaks down from a broken heart.
Hesch takes her to a mechanic. (Killroy) Killroy whispers “sweet nothings” to the car.
Brinkley seeks out people who know Sam. Meets Hesch and Kimmie.
Hesch misleads her, since he has nothing against Sam right now.
Wit is another Keeper stranded on Earth. Gives Sam’s address to Brinkley.
Ra has the car while he’s working with Hanson
Brinkley hires Hesch to drive her to Sam’s. He says no.
Madeline tries to run over Kimmie because Killroy told her to.
Brinkley saves Kimmie but uses her to make Hesch drive her to Sam’s.
Kimmie, Sam, Hesch confrontation!
Brinkley goes to suck Sam’s brains—he tastes sweet. Falls in love with him on the spot. (flashback of The Idea of Love she planted years ago leading to now.)
Sam put in hospital in a coma.

Chapter Two
Brinkley Loves Sam. Why does Brinkley fall in love with Sam? She captured him and got the Idea to love him, an idea she sent herself a long time ago. She had no choice.
Sam learns while in his coma that he’s worse than dumb. He’s a nobody. This makes him want to be somebody in a serious way, lest he disappear. Fame is the answer. He must become famous.
Sam in coma.
Brinkley and Kimmie by Sam’s side at hospital. Brinkley poses as his wife.
Hesch tells Reah what happened.
Brinkley lies to Ra. Says the guy didn’t have The Idea. She’s hiding the truth.
The Madeline attacks on Kimmie continue.
Killroy visits Bunny about Sam’s condition. Bunny whining about Bill.
Sam’s condition the same.
Bunny visits Sam in the hospital with the movie Wizard of Oz and Alice in Wonderland. Brinkley is jealous of Bunny.
Sam murmurs for Thumper. Brinkley wants to find it for him.
Bunny makes Brinkley leave.
Ra working with Hanson still.
Brinkley goes to Ra and tells her she’s in love with another man. Ra shocked.
Ra makes Hanson write a breakup song.
Kimmie leaves Hesch because life with him is too dangerous.
Killroy talks Kimmie into going back to Sam. If he comes out of the coma that is.
Kimmie and Brinkley both at Sam’s side.
Killroy confronts Bill and Bunny. Says she’s a demon—she delivers bunny, Max.
Killroy delivers Bill’s baby. A rabbit, max. Killroy runs. Max follows (mother!)
Bill snaps. Bunny leaves him.
Max is the Chosen One. Max is otherwise just a bunny doing bunny things.
Max thinks Killroy is MOM. Max searching LA for Mom.
To get rid of Kimmie, Brinkley secretly tells Ra that the girl has The Idea.
Ra attacks Kimmie but can’t absorb all of her. “She IS the Idea. Manifest.”
Kimmie goes to Sam’s and asks to stay there. Tells Reah she loves him.
Brinkley stays by Sam’s side, giving her life energy to wake him.
Brinkley begs Ra for help in waking Sam. “Give me some of your lifeforce.”
Ra refuses to help. Then Brinkley says she’ll sleep with him.
He gives her a promisary kiss. “Give that to him from me.”
She hands Sam Thumper.
She kisses Sam and passes out. Sam wakes! Sees movie and knows. Murmurs, “Bunny.”
Bunny gets up and Sam screams. Heartbroken, she runs from the hospital.
Max wandering city causing havoc.
Max captured by_______________ (haven't decided)
Sam goes to Bunny to thank her for the movie. Asks her out. She says no.
Sam starts talking to Thumper, asking it love advice.
Sam gets a ride from Hesch. Finds out Kimmie left him. Bummer
Brinkley introduces herself to Sam to explain that it was all a mistake.
Sam attacks her!
Thumper rolls to Brinkley!
Sam agrees to let bygones be bygones. She wants to make it up to him over dinner.
Sam and Brinkley are to be “just friends."
She gives him the idea to work on his singing. “It’s really fabulous.”
Ra tries to collect on his sex debt. Brinkley brushes him off.
At dinner:
Kimmie runs into Sam and asks him out. Sam says yes, because Bunny hurt him.
Brinkley shattered. Sam doesn’t understand.
Brinkley calls Killroy to get even. Killroy refuses. “I’m trying to get out of here.”
Hesch contemplates suicide, but Maddy won’t let him.
Hesch decides he wants to live. He’s going to get Kimmie back.
Max doesn’t like confinement. Max likes to roam free. Especially rules…bad things.
Max escapes. Purchased by Hesch to keep in the cab.
Max begins to cause accidents and society to break down.
Hesch sees Kimmie crashes Maddy. Max gets out of cab and raoms.
Max brought home by Kimmie. Meets Sam. Sam takes care of Max.
Thumper doesn’t like Max.
Max doesn’t like monsters trying to hurt Sam.
Brinkley sees Sam and Kimmie kissing. She’s hurt. Goes to keep her promise to Ra.
During sex with Brinkley, Ra learns that Sam has the Idea.

Chapter Three

Ra Hunts Sam; Brinkley Protects Him. Why does she defy her brother to protect Sam? Because she loves him.
Sam working on his singing and songwriting to get respect. He’s sick of his “day job.” He wants to quit.
Ra goes after Sam. Has to before Hanson goes on tour.
Kimmie is present during the Ra attack. In bed, perhaps.
Max doesn’t like people trying to hurt Sam. Max intervenes with Ra.
Brinkley calls Hesch.
Sam and Kimmie escape with Hesch.
Vengeance wish or not, Hesch can’t deal with seeing them together.
Hesch decides to kill Sam. Maddy helps because then they’re working as a couple.
Kimmie hides Sam at After Dark. Of course, they’re more than happy to have him.
She doesn’t want them to eat Sam anymore. He’s going to forget her.
They kick Kimmie out!
Brinkley must stop both Hesch and Ra, whom hook up to hunt together.
After Dark Stuff happens
Brinkley tries to get Sam out of town, even if it means losing him.
She begs Killroy for help. Killroy: “First you want vengeance, now you want help.”
Killroy agrees to get Sam out of town. “I’ve got an idea.”
Brinkley hides Sam and Max while, secretly, Killroy (unknowingly) visits Ra.
Max found chewing on furniture AND Thumper!
Thumper starts talking back (calling for help)! (in Sam’s mind)
Thumper also tells Sam that Kimmie has been sucking on him at After Dark.
Ra and Hesch still working together.
Ra makes Hesch realize that Maddy loves him still. Even after murdering her.
Killroy answers Ra’s ad and gets Sam a job with Hanson to get him out of town!
Sam dumps Kimmie after an After Dark incident.
Brinkley consoles Sam.
They start hanging out.
The whole of After Dark is infested with The Idea.
After Dark must be cleansed by Ra. He and Hesch go in with Maddy’s floodlights.
Hesch and Maddy have some bonding experience together.
Kimmie seeks refuge at After Dark—but is not welcome after the trouble she brought.
Killroy tells Sam that he can quit his job as a janitor. He’s got a job as a singer!
Hanson has purchased the old Woolsworth’s to practice.
Brinkley says no. But Sam is in a contract so he doesn’t back out. Honor.
Brinkley pleads with Ra to leave Sam alone. This time he says and means no.
She even says she’ll be his girl again. But says he can’t let The Idea go. It’s his job.
Ra doesn’t kill Sam right away. Wants to show Brinkley Sam’s dangerous first.
Ra also want to prove he’s been working while Brinkley’s been screwing off.
Ra wants Brink as his girl again. Sam says “we’re just friends.” Ra smiles.
Kimmie tries to go back to Hesch, but Hesch realizes he loves Maddy.
Hesch is OVER Kimmie. Kimmie forlorn.
Killroy confesses to Bunny that the rabbit-Bill-pregnancy was a vengeance wish
Bunny’s treachery brought it on herself. She destroyed sweet Sam.
Bunny, guilt-ridden, apologizes to Sam. She’s excited to find out he’s a rock star.
Sam and Bunny become friends.
Kimmie finds out she’s no longer enrolled in college. It’s been semesters.
Kimmie goes to beg Sam. Sam and bunny in bed together.
Kimmie runs. Passes Brinkley in the hall. This gives Brinkley hope.
Brinkley finds Bunny and Sam in BED. She runs away.
Thumper tells Sam Brinkley loves him and to stay away from Bunny.
Thumper tries to kill Max.
Thumper tells Sam to stay away from Hanson.
Sam throws Thumper during a preview concert.
(Secret: Thumper lands with Brinkley, his biggest fan.)
Bunny falls for someone else.
Dumps Sam again.
Brinkley finds she must follow Thumper, her love.
Sam finds himself lost, alone without Thumper. Soulless. A vampire!
Brinkley brings Thumper back. She says she loves him.
Sam loves Brinkley too, now that he’s got his soul back. He realizes it.
Ra can’t handle this. Ra abducts Sam. “You will see the night of the concert!”
Ra is going to awaken The Idea in Sam.
Brinkley seeks out his friends to stop Ra on Hanson’s opening night.
During the climax, Ra gets Sam to defend himself, showing that he’s too powerful.
Sam begins to shake the fabric of reality with his mind.
Ra gets everyone to admit that Sam is dangerous.
Sam tries to commit suicide by jumping into the hole outside Woolworth’s.
Killroy wishes she could go in the hole J back to Hell. Someone stops Sam.
Ra moves to stop them, but Max gets underfoot and trips him. He pulls Brinkley.
Before they fall into the hole, she touches Max! They zip into Max’s body.

Chapter Four

Sam am protects Max. Max teaches Sam. Why do Sam and Max become friends? Because Brinkley and Ra are forced into the body of the rabbit and he must take care of Max, just like Brinkley took care of him. Max likewise helps Sam control his mind.
Sam realizes he must respect himself most of all. Only he can decide if his life was worth.
Sam has flipped his lid. Goes into the looney bin.
Sam hears wispering “Why I?” Sam must find the answer to this riddle.
Bill is in the cell next to him.
Killory visits and gets Bill to apologize.
Voila! The spell is broken!!! She gets to go home.
Oh, she almost forgot: “Here. I brought you a little friend.” Max.
Max, now a conglomeration of Ra and Brinkley, must try to free Sam.
Sam sends Max away.
Kimmie, for a long time holed up in her apartment, begins fading away.
Hesch apologies to Maddy and says he’s finally let go.
They get married. A man and a car.
Maddy’s soul is freed. The cab no longer works.
Hesch gets out of the cab and walks away, jobless.
Perhaps Hesch is offered the choice to become a vengance demon.
Sam becomes obsessed with puzzles and riddles. He’s getting smarter.
Max lives in the soulless cab.
People want Max dead because Max is the Chosen One.
Hanson breaks Sam out of the looney bin.
Sam starts singing all songs about God and Why I?
They kick him out of the group.
Sam enrolls in college.
College adventues.
Max loves and hates Sam. Max must help him control his thoughts.
Max must also give Sam bad ideas
Max must be free of this dual personality.
Max must see the book, The Idea.
Sam getting too smart for his professors.
They run him out of college.
They go seeking the book The Idea.
Find it!
Sam reads from the “bad” side. Max from the “good.”

Chapter Five

Sam Grows Out of Control In Power. Why does Sam grow out of control in power? Because Max his friend gives him techniques to control his throughts. It is these techniques that give him the answer to the universal question of God.[/]
Wisdom and Knowledge are opposites. Knowledge starts basic and gets complex. Wisdom starts complex and gets basic. In the middle you’ve got know-how. Sam teaches himself.[/]

Everything is possible. Every religion possible. It’s all The Idea.
He must share this with the world!
Max working on being apart. They don’t work together, so they can’t body hop. They must find a common ground.
Sam gains empathy.
Sam gains telepathy.
Sam gains telekinesis.
Sam learns to fly.
Sam learns to teleport.
Sam learns to travel through time.
Sam begins building a time portal to visit God. He goes to the past.
He Realizes that we all exist because God asked “Why I?”
But what is the answer?
He goes to the future. The universe is ending tomorrow!
Sam finds out the answer is because.
Max realizes they both have one thing in common: they both want Sam.
Brinkley wants to be with him and Ra wants to kill him.
They can jump into Sam’s body.
They try it. Sam’s too strong.
Sam kicks them out. They end up in the nearest bodies.
Sam now realizes it. All this time he’s been trying to be taken seriously, but to be taken seriously, to be the smartest, the universe has to end? He’s figured out the meaning of life! And once God gets the answer, there will be no more need for the universe.
Sam decides to keep the answer to himself. Then God will keep looking.
But Sam can’t keep the answer inside. It’s burning to get out.
He talks in his sleep.
He finds himself at the Griffith Observatory bench, talking gibberish.
He accidentally gives the information to a young guy much like himself.
Sam realizes he’s given it away and kills the poor guy.


Sam Destroys Himself. Why did Sam destroy Himself? Because he grew out of control in power and threatened to end the unviverse.

Sam seeks his friends and asks them to kill him. He knows the answer.
But it turns out that Sam can’t be killed.
Brinkley and Ra know what to do. They have to get Sam to ask himself:
“Am I worth existing?”
Brinkley with tears rolling down her face: “you know the answer, Sam. You never were! You’re nobody, Sam. Nobody. A big stupid, nobody. You don’t think, therefore you aren’t!”
Brinkley believes the opposite of these things. But it’s necessary.
Sam stops thinking. He fades away.
Thumper drops.


Ra and Brinkley move on? Do they get back together.


For those of you still reading, yeah, it is confusing. It's just notes that I used while writing. Notes are notes. Guides.

I realize, upon glancing over Sam's epic, that I am Sam. I'm retarded. stupid, and if only I could have been Sam Aubrey, I'd still be a part of LABN. I'm sorry if anyone feels betrayed by my absence. Unlike Sam, I'm a shitty friend.

Goodness to you all. I'm simply one of God's mistakes, and I won't bother you any more.

It's still Sid

Parasol's picture


Oh, Jesus. I did a drive by at work and saw a "Hidden" person and guessed it was you, Sid, but didn't PM you at the time. For that I'm sorry. I'm just glad to know you're OK.

I won't go into the whole "But you can't leave" thing because you sound rather set on the idea.

I won't go into how good a writer you are. It's apparent that you won't believe me.

Fuck it.

*Throwing myself at Sid's feet, clutching onto his leg as he walks away from LABN, dragging me in a weeping shameless mess behind him -- like some sort of Internet Apache.*

FYI -- God don't make mistakes. Please don't go. (Sniff, sniff, waaaahhhh!!)


It's still Sid

MrDave's picture

I know from our few conversations that convincing you takes a lot of doing. I understand the need to take a step back and gain some perspective. I also understand that there is nothing like a good beer and a smoke (and a pancake?) to give you the wrong ideas.

Once in a while though you need a break. I hope you will continue to read and enjoy the story. Thank you for the long and somewhat incoherent (but complete) timeline you had for the storylines of Sam and company. I'd have been driving myself batshit wondering if you had not done that.

Despite what you think of yourself you do have friends here. We all admire your talent and we are blessed by your offerings to this group. "We shall ne'er see his like again" as they say.

For the time being I am leaving your status open. Certainly through mid-season at the very least. Think of it as a "hiatus." Like out inspiration Buffy no-one ever leaves or dies they sort of "have other obligations" but they are a part of the whole.

Even characters you disliked like Principal Schneider.

The upshot of this is this is like your "book" and this is a bookmark. We shall set it on the LABN nightstand and one day, maybe, pick it up again where it left off.

a Celtic Benediction wrote:
Deep peace of the Running Wave to you.
Deep peace of the Flowing Air to you.
Deep peace of the Quiet earth to you.
Deep peace of the Shining Stars to you.
Deep peace of the Son of Peace to you.

It's still Sid

Jadyn's picture

siddy... i'm really at a loss for words. i wish i could say something utterly brilliant and poignant and convince you not to go but i can't think of a damn thing. to be honest, i'm going all weepy. that's how much ur announcement's affected me and i'm pretty sure everyone else will be equally upset.

i can understand the fact that u've hit a rough patch. but please don't give up yet? i've had my low periods... times when i felt so bogged down by all the problems in my life that i felt like a liability to the game because i wasn't contributing or participating the way i thought i should. but somehow, when those times passed, i found i didn't really want to give up on labn. i didn't want to give up on all the people i've come to think of as friends.

u were one of the people who yanked me back when i wanted to quit. i couldn't let u leave without trying to yank u back as well. i'm sorry that u're not doing great right now. i wish there was some way i could help make it better. (if there is, u have to stick around for us to find out!)

don't let go of us, siddy... please? i sure as hell don't wanna let go of u... who's gonna listen to billy joel with me? who am i gonna needle about justin timberlake? who's gonna slay werewolves with jade? u can't go! u just can't!!!

(oh... and if anyone thinks i'm wrong in trying to get sid to stay by laying a major emotional guilt trip on him, so be it. i don't care! *stomps foot*)

It's still Sid

Stalker's picture

no begging, no crying, no guilt trips

I beleive you should stay but if you feel the need to leave, so be it.

I realize, upon glancing over Sam's epic, that I am Sam. I'm retarded. stupid, and if only I could have been Sam Aubrey, I'd still be a part of LABN. I'm sorry if anyone feels betrayed by my absence. Unlike Sam, I'm a shitty friend.

Goodness to you all. I'm simply one of God's mistakes, and I won't bother you any more.

You are not retarded.
Definitly not stupid.
There is no betrayal.
You are a great friend.
God doesn't make mistakes.
You have never been a bother to anyone (in fact I dare you to try).

I regret not being in a timezone that allows us to talk.
I'll also regret that my character may never meet yours.

It's still Sid

Firefly's picture

Oh, Sid...

Could I say anything that hasn't already been said here? I feel like we've failed you somehow, and my heart is breaking. I just want you to know, there is only love here for you, and for Sam. You are more than you realize, have more worth than you know. I am sorry that you are going, and I'll miss you so damn much. I hope you will stop in from time to time just to say hi, and let us know how you are.

Mother will always be watching, knowing the great potential you possess.

Go in peace, Jeff. Blessed Be....

It's still Sid

Evalyn Toussaint's picture


I don't know what i can say that'll be any different to what everyone else here has said.

PLEASE DON'T GOOOOOO! Take a break by all means, but please come back again! Your definately missed by everyone here and we want what's best for you. Even if it means not playing Sam anymore, or any other character for that matter, just drop in every now and then to say 'hi, hows it goin.'

There is no way you could ever be a shit friend, especially when you've helped so much. DEFINATELY not stupid or retarded (thats my job)! Crazy...yes, but that's good :D so are we.

You definately haven't betrayed anyone though.

Miss you heaps :cry:

It's still Sid

Heather's picture

Damn, damn, damn, damn, DAMN!!!

I just got home from a weekend away and what's the first thing I find when I boot up? Sid's leaving us!!

If I squeeze my eyes shut very, very tight and wish really hard, when I open them maybe I'll find it's all a dream.

I'm sitting here thinking that I should just have the good grace to let you go if that's what you really want, but I can't bear to see you gone from our little community. You became such a vibrant part of it so quickly. You can't go. You're too brilliant and too funny, too much fun to talk to and get drunk with, too good a writer and too good a friend for us to just let you walk away like this.

:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:


Don't leave us, Sid. Please. Even if you feel you can't write for LABN any more, at least pop in from time to time on msn and have a chat with your old mates. I've not seen you online for so long, and I miss our long rambling chats.

Dammit, you can't go..... *peters off into incoherent wailing*

It's still Sid

CryingKnight's picture


I think every one has pretty much said everything that needs to be said. I certainly will miss you. Be that as it may if you feel you must go then I doubt we can stop you despite the fact we despearately want to, but should you ever feel you can come back to us, please do so. You'll find a place waiting for you.

ok now the incoherrent wailing...

Doooooooooooooooon't Goooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

It's still Sid

Tarix Conny's picture

Sid, i for once will really really really miss you. I probably didn't know you as the others in this group did as i joined the group later but i can't fofget the friendship you shared with us, especially with me.

You are witty, homourous and very friendly.

I will miss you alot.

But why are you going? I know i didn't visit LABN for a few days, but that was only like 3 days? What happened? Why are you leaving us.


It's still Sid

Jadyn's picture

sid, i've always loved this song and thought you might appreciate it too. hopefully, it'll help remind you (as it did me) that no matter how bad life gets, we've got what it takes, deep down inside us, to pull through.

i know it's not billy joel, but i'm hoping that you're a big alanis fan too. :)

that i would be good, even if i did nothing
that i would be good, even if i got the thumbs down
that i would be good, if i got and stayed sick
that i would be good, even if i gained ten pounds

that i would be fine, even if i went bankrupt
that i would be good, if i lost my hair and my youth
that i would be great, if i was no longer queen
that i would be grand, if i was not all knowing

that i would be loved, even when i am not myself
that i would be good, even when i am overwhelmed
that i would be loved, even when i was fuming
that i would be good, even if i was clingy

that i would be good, even if i lost sanity
that i would be good, whether with or without you

-- alanis morissette


Soulless Zombie's picture

Serves me right for getting drunk and visiting old haunts. I guess, since I don't smoke anymore, I get nostalgic for old times. I don't have the same email; I don't do the same things anymore; I'm barely online anymore. But obviously I missed you guys, or else I wouldn't visit here. Anyway, I'm surprised to see that you all wrote me. Fuck. Thank you.

Though I miss you guys, I don't belong in your intelligent community. I really am a lost freak...which is what brought me to you in the first place back in . . . . What's it been? Six months? Shit.

Thanks for caring. Your words were not wasted.

But you know, Greg was absolutely wrong. And this is it:

You are not retarded.
Definitly not stupid.
There is no betrayal.
You are a great friend.
God doesn't make mistakes.
You have never been a bother to anyone (in fact I dare you to try).

Thanks, Greg. But I know differently on each count.

Anyway, from time to time I'll admire you folks from afar. Be good. If ANY of you, including Derek (you frustrating fiend), are thinking that I haven't thought of you, you are wrong. I've thought of each of you.

For a long time I thought I wouldn't log on to say so much. But you guys deserve at least a hello. I'm sorry I was too COWARDLY to explain what was going on in my head. I just needed space to be a nobody.

Weird how the absence of Dave and Heather could allow such dissention. Hope you guys get married!

Take care, EVERYONE.

Jeffrey Frederick Haines

Anyone got a tissue?

Firefly's picture

Oh, damn. I am so crying uncontrollably now. How heart breaking is this? And I've been thinking about Sid a lot the last few days (which some of you already know.)

Well, it's good to hear from you, Sid. Even if only for a moment. It's good to know you're still out there somewhere. Have a good life. You do deserve it.

It's still Sid

MrDave's picture

I had a little melencholy moment when i read your note. But it does me good to know you are alive and trying to be well. Remember life isn't a destination but a journey. And sometimes you see more on the backroads than the highway.

It's still Sid

Tarix Conny's picture

SID!!! BY ALLAH I AM SOOO HAPPY THAT YOU WROTE!!!! I was getting really worried. I tried your hotmail and it was saying that it didn't exist anymore, i tired your yahoo but there was no response.

By Allah, we have all missed you sooo much.

We all hope you the best and we all pray for you. Please dont feel like a nothing, because you are so much to us.

I am very happy to find out that you are fine, and your hello means ALOT to us.

Thank you sooo much Sid, we have all realy missed you. I have missed you so much too, and wish you the best of happiness.

It's still Sid

Tarix Conny's picture

For a lot of days now i have been writing to Sid whenever i can, trying to get him out of the depression, not really expecting a reply, but just for support sending him mail...

today i checked my mail and i got a reply back. HE said he hadn't been checking that account that often and gave me his other addy:


if you want to know what he wrote pm me and i'll try to tell you....i request pls email him, he really needs support as he thinks we all hate him!!!

btw, lots of thanks to heather for giving me Sid's first (secondish) email, as i didn't know it...

Hello, everyone.

Soulless Zombie's picture

Your site looks absolutely beautiful. Be proud.

Well, not much going on here. Take care. Go forth and be plentiful. :)



It's still Sid

Evalyn Toussaint's picture

SQWEEE! SID :mrgreen:

we still miss and luv you! hope alls going well!...why am i not emailing this?

EEEEEEE! i think i'm just too happy that i didn't think...as per usual :P hehe: some things will never change, and i think i'm definately one of them *prays that's a good thing*

It's still Sid

Mantheana's picture


It's still Sid

Tarix Conny's picture

Hey Siddy!!!!

Miss ya still!!!

Boy, what a rush of memories

Soulless Zombie's picture

I'm about to go to work, sipping my wine, thinking about the cast party. Sher has been invaluable when it comes to keeping in touch.

Thank you thank you for allowing me to take part. I'd be foolish to say anything is definite, but I hope to stop by for a day. . .maybe two. I'm coordinating this thing with my visit to Camarillo, where my mother and grandparents live. I only have a week to work with, and two of those days will be spent on a bus and on a train.

Whether or not I make it depends on if I have enough space on the credit card, and whether or not I can get an employee rate at a nearby Choice Hotel. But from where I stand, things are looking fairly OK. :)

And as long as Kristin doesn't hate me for flaking on her storyline, I'll be so happy to come. Yay! Cast party.

This will be my first real trip. Meaning, the first trip that I both organized by myself and executed alone. What am I, 33 years old? And this is my first adult trip? Yup. Pathetic.

Love you guys. Gotta go. Seeya.



It's still Sid

Meredith Bell's picture

Woo Hoo Siddy! That'd be sooo groovy! :D

That has totally made my morning!

It's still Sid

Parasol's picture

Sid's trying to make it to Vegas, Lou. You're coming to Vegas!! YAY!! If not, sorry to bum you out, but I doubt if Sid'll be able to get to London.

It's still Sid

Soulless Zombie's picture

Yay, you're still here, too! Louisa, Lousia, happy, happy, joy joy. Hey, I remembered your real name. I'm quite bad with the long-term-short-term memory thing. As it stands, I'm struggling with character-real names. Funny how a guy can hide out and all that info blends together. But the best part about such a period of sedation--or is it Sid-ation?--is that details melt down into true affection for people. Flashes of memory, feelings of appreciation.

Yea, okay, enough of that. Staring to sound like syrup. (Mmmm, syrup.)

And, Dave and Heather. . .congratulations on the marriage thingy.

Well, I just told Adam that not much has changed with me, except I'm showing my age. Still working at the Quality Inn, graveyards, still perpetually tired, still broke, still a They Might Be Giants fan, still with Karie (a good thing, of course).

Damn, I've just told you everything. Now there's nothing to talk about if I see you. (I mean WHEN! WHEN I see you. I'm doomed. One small slip-up like that could cause the Great Pumpkin to pass you by.)

Actually, things are looking pretty good. I may not be able to take part in any high-price activities, and I'll be limited to using a credit card instead of cash, most likely, but as Frodo once said: "Just to get there, Sam, just to get there!" If I do get there, I might have a little gambling money. Hope, hope. Anybody got any good communal drugs they can bring? No? Okay, just asking.

I'll probably shoot for the 9th of April. And maybe a day before or a day after, too. Is there any date I shouldn't miss?

Oh, I'm way into the new Battlestar Galactica show. Any other fans out there?

So Sherlyn suggests that I try to get a hotel by the gang: Sunset Station Hotel and Casino. I'll be trying for a Choice Hotel. But, hey, if I can't find one, maybe I can sleep in the car. I'll be borrowing either my mother's Camry or my grandparents' Bronco II.

Talk about pathetic. 33-years old and no car. Well, it's only going to get worse before it gets. . . Oh yea, then death happens. Forget the better part. :)

I really hope to see everyone. Thanks again for inviting me. I'll shower you with more thanks in Vegas. You'll have to fill me in on the lives of (memory, memory! uh...) Victor, Tash, Catherine, Adam's agent (damn it, what is his name?), Sorrow, Daye (who could make me cringe with but a stern look), Reanna (ex-roomate with the mostest), Mantheana (who was Mantheana's sidekick? I used to confuse them all the time!). Who else is still haunting this site? April/Jade? Tarix (girl, I've forgotten your real name, so sorry)?

Man, I forgot that this site if full of hot chicks. Mmmmm.

Hi, Robin, I haven't forgotten you, either. But you'll always be Sorrow to me.

Is it obvious I haven't had the courage to actually enter the site? Too many bad (personal) memories from that time. Nothing to do with any of you guys.

Hello, Jean. I hear you're a phantom of this site, too. Nice to meet you.

Okay, so I'm rambling and I have to go. Just wanted to attempt to connect with everyone again before the passages of time rob me of all the good stuff.



It's still Sid

Soulless Zombie's picture

It's Galen! Galen! I had to re-read Adam's email to remember, but better late than never.

By the way, I'm on a personal quest. I now only tell the truth, ala James Spader in Sex, Lies, and Videotape. Not that I was a perpetual liar, like Graham, but in my job it's almost necessary to lie on an hourly basis, because I'm working with the customers. I've found that that has bled into my personal life. Little fibs here and there that don't make sense. Random whoppers. It got weird. I was in danger of becoming chronic.

No longer. So, if anybody wants a dose of truth, plop a quarter into my mouth and wait for the readout. Heh. I'm only telling you this because it's a significant part of my personality that deserves mentioning. I want it out there so you can help keep me, you know, honest. :) I may not be much, but I'll give it to you straight. Which is a good thing in a friend.

"Lois, I never lie." --Superman.

Wasn't Kal-el a great guy?

It's still Sid

Parasol's picture

Isn't Jeppi just all kinds of great! I just love that guy.

I've been very fortunate to have kept in contact with him. Of course, I initially nagged and hunted and whined at the e-mail address I had at the time.

It's still Sid

Soulless Zombie's picture

And I was the winner in that situation. Believe me.


Soulless Zombie's picture

I must be out of my mind. Tee-hee.

I just made reservations at the Rodeway Inn for April 8th and 9th. It's located at 1213 Las Vegas Blvd South. Phone (702) 312-8310.

Now all I have to do is secure 7 days off! Nothing definite yet. But I've got happy butterflies.

(Just so you know, I'm a complete incompetent, so by the time I actually find my hotel, much less Vegas itself, it'll already be the 10th.)

Okay, so Sher is going to be busy on the 8th, so I expect someone to entertain me. I wouldn't mind someone giving me an idea of what's going to be going on, how much money I should bring, etc. I don't want to find out you've all planned some hundred dollar banquet that I didn't budget for..

Later, gators


It's still Sid

Soulless Zombie's picture

And now it looks like I'll get the seven days off. My final hurdle is saving money. Money, money, money. Not so hard.

However, as They Might Be Giants sang, "Minimum wage. . .heeyah!" (Whip-crack.)

Oh yea, oh yea, it's my birthday.

It's still Sid

Firefly's picture

Sid...*clapping hands together in unadluterated glee*...you're coming...you're really coming....Yay!!!

Hmmm...I would like to mention, that I would totally have put you up on my couch...which pulls out into a very uncomfortable sofa bed. If need be, I still will. Uhm...as for plans, well...we've not really made any set in stone ones yet. Probably on Saturday, April 9, we can do the whole hang out at my house and just chat and stuff...watch lots of Buffy and...I'll cook. There may be a plan to take in a show one night, Friday, I'm guessing. As for the rest, well...my life is kind of up in the air, so I haven't made too many set plans. But I'm totally excited that everyone is coming out. And I can't tell you how happy I am that you're actually going to come, Sid. This is so cool.

It's still Sid

MrDave's picture

Heather and I will be there from the 7th to the 10th and we will gladly keep you company. The only activity with a cost associated with it was a show. Perhaps $50 or so for that (if we even go).

A nice dinner out would be a lot of fun, budget what you can afford and we (all of us - we - not just H. and me) will all pitch in to even the load. We are just that sort of people. This is really just a hug-and-eat party for the most part.

Most of what we are gonna be doing is sitting around, drinking and laughing a lot. Jean and Kris are responsible for keeping us entertained with road trips and local color.

None of us plan to go to any of the casinos. Not our scene. Although cruiding down the strip was part of our "meet Las Vegas" tour that Kris and Jean will be leading (Right, ladies?).

Is Karie coming? It wasn't clear - if not, be sure to bring lots of photos so we can see!

Don't sweat the B'days - H had one this past weekend and Mine is only two weeks away.

It's still Sid

Heather's picture


I can't believe you're really coming, Sid. After the LA Cast Party I'd resigned myself to never meeting you face to face.

Ooh, we'll have to take lots of pictures of you to show to everyone at the UK Cast Party in July so they can go green with envy. :)


Soulless Zombie's picture

No pictures! When I was 13 and feeling awkward, my father tried to take a picture of me. I explained how much I hated my own guts (yes, even at 13) and that I just couldn't be photographed at that time. Instead of realizing that I was having emotional issues, the man ordered me to stand still and smile. I obeyed, because he was the master.

After the picture came out, my smile was so crooked and obviously fake that I shrank from it. I begged him to destroy it. He would not. Instead, he took that opportunity to humiliate me. He cut my head out of the picture, and for years after, he would take the photo out and show it to me and laugh.

Recently I came into possession of that picture. I carried it around with me for awhile (real healthy, huh?) so if ever I ran into the man I could make him eat it. Yea. Real healthy.

I've stopped carrying around the picture. But if you need a pic of me, I'm sure I can bring that one.

Okay, maybe one picture or two--just to be social. But I don't ever want to have to see the, okay? Even in my twenties when I was thin and cute I despised myself. All those pictures I showed you guys before were difficult to post.

Just keep that in mind so you can be senstive to my situation. Thanks. :)

whoops gotta catch my bus back to valley west. talk later.

fresh off the bus

Soulless Zombie's picture

Home now.

Thanks for the offer to sleep on your couch, Kristen. I should have taken you up on it. But it's nice to have my own room, I must admit. Makes me feel like a grownup.

Then there's my mother, whom I'm visiting on the first half of this trip. She's a gamble-holic. The idea of going to Vegas might be too much for her. I told her she can come along if she wants, I'll drop her off at a casino, then I'll visit you guys. So if she decides to go, we'd need a room. (I reserved one with two beds before I knew she was interested because I thought one of you might need a place to crash. ..just in case.)

So much for my big adult trip to Vegas without my mommy. Heh. But once you're out of high school, such things don't mean a whole lot. I don't find the idea embarrassing.

Hello Ozimandius/Victor. It took me a bit to realize that you're Dave. Thank you for the offer to pitch in with the money. It may be necessary, but I'd have a hard time accepting the charity. Much better for me to just forgo buying DVDs and save up enough to cover my own way. I'm paying off debts right now, so we'll see.

I'm a loner deep down, so there's no rule that says I have to participate in every event. I'm lucky to get to drop in and say hello. If I can do that much, I'll be happy.

Can I assume that a hundred bucks--cash, not credit--will be enough to cover the show and dinner? I can shoot for two hundred. Any alcohol purchased can go on my credit card.

I know I'm being paranoid, but my experience with trips is that you always spend more than you planned on. Always.

Heather, hi! Your "sqwee" always makes me feel welcome.

Well, my Buffy the Vampire slayer rpg never got off the ground. I had the greatest players in the world lined up. They knew me from my Vampire games, which were locally legendary. (At one point, White Wolf games tried to locate me to run Vampire at one of the conventions.) But the truth is, I'm a gamer snob. If I don't feel completely comfortable with a gaming group, I won't run. So I X'd the project.

I tried the local college next: HSU's Fantasy Gamer's Guild. All young people. None of them had ever heard of me. So the "fame" I'd grown accustomed to ammounted to squat. Those FEW people I met who were interested really turned me off. I suddenly wished I'd kept my first group.

My motivation for running was, in a big way, telling the Sam Aubrey/Brinkley/Ra story which I flaked out on when I was haunting LABN. I believe in the story, and someday it will come to fruition in some form. If ever it does, know that it was LABN that inspired me.

Very special site.

Lately--every Thursday--my brother and I have been playing Heroscape, which is a simple and fun fantasy wargame. I've also been working on my own boardgame that I'm calling the Horror of Wervingian Mansion.

The idea is that there is a haunted house that local authorities haven't been able to crack. The F.B.I. won't touch it. Interpol won't return the mayor's calls. That's where Interrobang steps in.

Interrobang is a secret inter-international organization--practically an illuminati--that investiagates the unknown for selfish purposes, power-attainment mostely. The players of the game are Interagents working to solve the mystery. Unfortunately, Interagents are also power-hungry and often work against each other WHILE investigating the uknown.

Gameplay consists of physical, mental, and emotional combat. You can harm one another with fists or weapns. You can drive one another insane. You can hurt one another's feelings, causing doubt and failure.

I like the idea of all the player ostensibly being on the same side. But their own greed gets in the way of what should be a straightforward ghost hunt.

So that's my hobby lately.

Hi, Adam!

So, who else is still around? April, maybe? I can't get over the horrible fact that Reanna was my buddy on the board and I can't remember her first name. Is she still around? Same story with Tara and Mantheana. And what of our potential Slayer--played by Mantheana's friend?

If you guys are reading this, take no insult. Drunkards don't remember things very well. It doesn't mean you didn't make an impresion.

Is Louisa coming? If so, woo-hoo!

Okay, Greg (my brother) is setting up Heroscape. We missed yesterday's game because I was at Karie's house. Gotta go.

Oh, Dave, I don't have a whole lot of pictures of Karie. (She won't be coming. We tend to fight on long trips, and I'm sort of a carefree-if-we-take-a-wrong-turn-so-fuckin'-what kind of guy. Driving stresses Karie out. Best to avoid the whole thing.) I'll try to bring a recent photo.

Time to go. By all. Talk later.


It's still Sid

Soulless Zombie's picture

Oops. One more thing. I don't want to be a total stranger. I know it's a lot to ask, but is it possible that I can get some sort of limited access to the board so I can keep in touch? From time to time, you know.

But if not, the guest board will serve well. I know you have rules that must be observed. I won't take any insult if you say no. :)

It's still Sid

Heather's picture

It's not a lot to ask at all. Simply register on the board (with whatever name you'd like) and Dave will activate it for you. We'd never have taken Sam Aubrey off in the first place, except you asked us to. :(

Btw, Reanna's played by Amanda. :) One of the things we'll have to bring with us to Las Vegas (and the UK) is the video she made for the very first CP in Los Angeles way back in 2003. There is a fair bit of digital footage from our Aussie CP in October 2004 that she was going to splice into another video but I think she's been up to her eyeballs in work so it hasn't eventuated yet. With any luck, we might have it for the UK Cast Party. (hint, hint, Amanda)

It's still Sid

Soulless Zombie's picture

I'm happy. Amanda, Amanda, Amanda. Now that you wrote it, I can' t believe her name ever left me.

I remember one time I was talking with Amanda online while Karie was waiting for me to come partake in the nachos she had made. Karie was getting jealous. I tried to explain to her the truth, that Amanda was much more interested in hearing about the nachos we were eating than me as a person. Heh.

I don't remember asking to have Sam removed. But I don't doubt it one bit. I'm sort of a burn bridges kind of guy when I'm down in the dumps. I can't imagine ever going back. Death is always one step away.

Thanks, Heather. I'll sign up pronto. Maybe I'll talk Greg into letting me download . .. download. . ..er, whatever program everyone uses to tell stories real-time. I've even forgotten that.

It's still Sid

Firefly's picture


Do you still have messenger? If so, we would all like to talk to you on occasion.

It's still Sid

Soulless Zombie's picture

Messenger. That's what it's called.

Thank you, Kristen. I'd have to see how Greg feels about it. This is his computer. He gets all weird when I download stuff. It gets in his way.

But I don't think he'll say no.

Okay, I've signed up. I should take a moment to say that I'm not trying to weasel my way back into the game. We all know I'm a flake. I wouldn't stick with it.

However, I am trying to weasel my way back into your lives.

It's still Sid

Kaarin's picture

For which you should check - and reply to - your e-mail. :)

By the by, anyone directed you to Steve, the Not So Ancient Evil yet?

It's still Sid

Sid's picture

I just checked my email and found a lovely message from Kristen.

But. . .Steve? Gosh, you'll have to remind me. Have we met?

It's still Sid

Firefly's picture

Check in...the NPC forum I believe. You should get a real kick out of Steve.

It's still Sid

Sid's picture

Haven't found Steve. I'll look again in a sec. I think it was the wrong NPC forum.

Also, having trouble downloading msn messenger. I dowloaded Yahoo Messenger by mistake and had to delete it. when I try to get MSN, I receive an access refused box. I went into the Mozilla Firefox tool box and tried to allow the site, but it's still not working. I'll need Greg's help, I guess.

It's still Sid

MrDave's picture

I have moved the most recent posts of this to the Member's Lounge so that we don't freak the mundanes.

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