Below is the result of your feedback form. It was submitted by
(DEMONICWORM13@aol.com) on Saturday, February 12, 2005 at 21:34:20
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charname: David Dark
race: Enhanced Human
gender: Male
group: The Knights of Justice
position: HERO
descript: Height: 6'0"
Weight: 127 lbs.
Demeanor: He has the stance of royalty, but shows the strength of a figther, the heart of a champion, the skill of a warrior, and the compassion of an angel
Attitude: He always puts others before himself and is kind to all citizens. He has an unbending will and no tolerance for criminals
Lifestyle: He lives a life dedicated to guarding the people of New York City, however, he is only a junior in high school, so he forces himself to balances his school life with his alter ego's responsibilities
Costume:A golden helmet, a white and gold set of tights with a logo of a golden shield and two silver swords crossed on it, golden boots and gauntlets, a golden belt, a golden neckband, and a white cape
Special Effects: He is surrounded by a light whenever the innocent bear witness to him or the guilty are unfortunate enough to confront him
history: Before you got your powers: I was a mild-mannered high school student with good grades and a theatre interest. I was always a good kid, but many chose to pick on me and I could never do anything to defend myself.
How you got your powers: One day, as I was about to be mugged by a large group of thugs, a beam of light cut through the night sky and bathed me in a warm, white glow. I floated in the air, limp; my nerves pulsating within my body. As the light instantaneously disappeared, I dropped to the ground. As the thugs regained their composure and began to attack, I found that my strength, speed, intelligence, endurance, and all of my other attributes were enhanced beyond belief. I took out all the thugs and became, The Guardian!
After you got your powers: I vowed to defend the innocents of New York City for the rest of my life while still being the person I was before; only now, no one was going to step on me.
powers: The Powers of Light: The Light that showered me has manifested itself as powers that can be manipulated by will.
Limit: They will not allow me to kill anyone.
Stunt: I can blind my enemies
Stunt: I can create shields over myself or the innocents I am protecting
Stunt: I can purify those who have been corrupted (only to an extent)
Stunt: I can levitate, fly, and manipulate my environment and body to my will in any way my mind can conceive
items: Own: A Golden Shield that can be compacted to pocket size, A Titanium Sword that is unbreakeable, a golden light cannon that manifests my light powers as a powerful beam
Always carry: The Golden Shield
Built Myself: The Shield, Sword, and Cannon
Weapons: The Sword and Cannon
enemy: villain Name: The Dark Lord
Powers: He controls the powers of illusion, and can bend time and space for limited times to his will. He is also a shapeshifter who draws his powers from evil and enhances them through the shadows.
Why is this person your enemy?: He is my enemy, because he, on the same day of my powers being received, was showered in a dark ray of energy, much like my white light. This energy gave hime powers directly opposing to mine. He was a cold-hearted bully of a young man named: Darius Black.
played_by: Only Myself, David Melendez
player: Games I've played: Almost every video game you can name, I've played
Where I live: Brooklyn, New York
What my hobbies are: Video games, TV, Hanging out with my friends, theatre (acting, dancing , singing, etc.), sports
What comics I like: All of the classics, and new adaptations of the classics (Spider-Man, Flash, Batman, Super-Man, etc.)
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Character Proposal: David Dark
As nice as it would be to say "sure" this is really a superhero Mary Sue. This player has basically written himself with super powers. Sorry. I say no.
Character Proposal: David Dark
:roll:
... I couldn't find a vomit emoticon...
I was already starting to have trouble believing this character at this early point, and it only got worse. Some serious rewriting is required here, at the very least. Better yet, just chuck this out entirely and try again. Much as we need non-LABN players in FL, we can't afford to let our standards drop.
David: before submitting a character, try reading the ones already on the board to see the sort of thing that will fit in this world. Some sugary ideal is not the kind of thing we're looking for.