Submitted by Sid on Wed, 02/09/2005 - 17:00
Posted in
I've been lost in the Internet forest for a good hour or more, but I think I've gotten MSN Messenger loaded correctly. You can add me by entering this address:
This is a throwaway address, actually, but my REAL address will be available to almost all. I'll give it to anyone who emails me. I prefer to give the throwaway address right now. Just to keep random surfers from bugging me.
- Login to post comments
Post to Twitter
Its Still Sid
Steve doesn't have a profile... yet. But there are a couple of posts with him in it.
Here's his first appearance: http://latenightgames.com/node/580
Reah met him and his friend Elaine: http://latenightgames.com/node/580
I'm actually thinking of doing more with this trio on their own. Maybe trying to sell it as a paranormal screwball comedy.
Morning Agony
Once upon a time, there was a wee wittle born baby named Swid—I mean, “Sid.” Then one day he quit LABN and wandered off to have many adventures within the confines of his living room.
He decided to start drawing this truly awful, liquor-inspired, cigarette motivated comic strip, which he called Interrobang. Interrobang dealt with a haunted amusement park, run by an insane old woman, who perpetually built onto her Winchester Mansion-type park using monster labor. The storyline was so complex it could not be contained in a single paragraph synopsis. However, suffice it to say that one of the characters was a young man named Sam, fresh out of Los Angeles.
Sid planned the storyline in full, and he built a mega-megabyte website with all the storylines and background information necessary for understanding and, more importantly, generating the comic. So all he had to do was draw one strip a day for a million days until the comic could be considered complete. Wittle Sid never suffered Writer’s Block, and he never tired of the tale to be told. He’d sit at his computer four hours a day clicking and double-clicking and dragging images across Photoshop. He’d giggle at jokes that only made sense to him, and, at the end of the day, he’d post his opus on Drunkduck.com, where Lord knows it probably still sits, aging in no way as nicely as wine.
One morning, Sid’s alarm shot into the air, and he leapt out of bed, ready to tackle a fresh new day. His soul leapt, anyway. His body would not move. Under his right shoulder blade there was this, like, sort of sharp, hideous, horrible, nasty, unfriendly, call-Mommy, like, PAIN. Pain like a knife. Pain like nothing he’d ever known before. Later, the lady at the health clinic told him he’d pulled a muscle.
Pulled a muscle? Sitting in a computer chair? “Huh?” Sid said.
“Yah,” the doctor lady said. “Here’s some, like, good drugs for you.”
Turns out Sid liked drugs with “-phine” in the title. He only wished he could figure out how to safely hurt some other part of his body so he could score some more. But that’s a story yet to reach fruition.
Sid continued his wittle comic. He put maybe sixty strips under his belt before one day he began to notice that his hand was not working properly. His drawing hand. His mouse-clicking hand. HIS JACK HAND; his bread ‘n’ butter. This simply would not do. Fear of carpal tunnel forced him to cease production on Interrobang, posthaste. Naturally, because our hero, Sid, lived in denial, he made up a bogus story about how his computer crashed. He couldn’t admit to the world—specifically to himself—that his body had been the one to crash. Later Sid decided never to lie again, but that’s another story, like the one about the yummy drugs.
So, as this story goes, Sid found himself facing the greatest challenge yet. His girlfriend’s landlord sold the duplex where she lived, and now Karie was being evicted. Karie and Sid worked well into Saturday night/Sunday morning packing, because Karie didn’t get it done in time. Sid felt that she should have gotten off of her ass and started packing the moment she received notice. Karie would tell you a convincing story about how she’d been packing for weeks—and what the hell is Sid talkin’ ‘bout? Sid wished he’d taken pictures to prove she’d done very little packing, and that’s what he was talkin’ ‘bout!
Early Sunday morning, Sid and Karie continued packing boxes, while simultaneously packing up a U-Haul with said boxes. Sid discovered that his back injury had never fully healed. Moving The Girl With Way Too Much Crap turned out to not only be annoying--it was painful. But he was very mature about the whole deal, carrying boxes back and forth, thinking, “Frak this—don’t tell me you’re all frakkin’ packed, I frakkin know better—who do you think you’re frakkin’ talkin’ too, the frakkin’ press? If this had been frakkin me, I’d have frakkin’ packed up the day I got frakkin’ notice, I’ll tell you frakkin’ what.”
But by the end of the move, it was all frakkin’ smiles and I love yous, and all was well.
Except Karie walked into her new home that night to find that someone had been there, and that cigarette shaving’s had been left in her daughter’s room. The landlord? Thinking it was the landlord, she returned to the car to unload a few extra boxes. She discovered that someone had vomited all down the side of her car in the two-point ten seconds that she had been away. Weird. So she piled numerous boxes of books in front of her door to bar intruders, and then she prepared for bed. All in all, the new apartment was lovely, and she toiled to the lulling sounds of her daughter, who had locked herself in the bedroom closet, where she blubbered “I hate this place, I won’t live here, I’m going to run away, I have no friends here!”
Karie couldn’t find her alarm clock. Therefore, she called Sid. Sid offered to set his alarm clock for 6:15 am, so he could wake up in time to wake her up in time for work. The next morning, he called Karie, said he loved her, then went back to bed. But Sid’s back pain would not allow him to get to sleep again.
If you’re looking for a point to this story, there isn’t one. Not unless you consider the considerably pointed sword that seems to be jutting from Sid’s back, awaiting some young puissant to come along, withdraw it, and thereupon claim himself king of all England. Sid can’t sleep. So he’s writing to you all, letting you know what’s happening in his wee wittle life.
Hope this reads coherently. Something tells me it doesn't.
Its Still Sid
I think I've made a drastic error.
I, alone, was receiving e-mails as funny and detailed as Sid's above. I alone got to laugh out loud at home and work, ruining a keyboard or two in the process. I alone got exactly what his point was. I alone got his internet attention. I alone was entertained and frankly, felt all special because he and I really did keep up a great friendship and could nyah, nyah (to myself of course) and casually mention that "I spoke with Jeff this weekend" here and again.
Now, because I whined like an over-bred pomeranian about Sid hauling his triflin' ass to Vegas because it was close, and LABN liked him – really liked him – he's now sharing himself – *sneering bitterly* – with you.
I really have to learn to keep my big mouth shut.
Its Still Sid
A little Sid can go a long way, Sherl.
And now that we have lots-o-Sid we can get all jeppified together. It is probably better that we enjoy him enmasse becasue if you kept hoarding him all to yourself it would almost certainly either rot your teeth or go straight to your thighs.
Its like a box of chocolates. If you don't share then you have to 'fess up to yourself that you ate them all by your lonesome - even the nasty creamy ones.
Okay bad example (you chocolate hater you) but you get the idea, hopefully in a larger sense.
Oh, and Jeff...don't hurt yourself. That is a quick way to reuining your future. I've managed to do okay (except for knees and hips from being a fat-ass) but Heather is paying for falling off horses as a kid.
Bottom line, it is better to be a fat lazy programmer then a more physically active person who isn't careful. Or something like that.
Its Still Sid
So very cool you remembered.
But hording Sid/Jeff/Jeppi made me feel all special. As for rotten teeth and fat thighs. I live in LA. I can have all that fixed, presto.
Its Still Sid
Shows what a crappy friend I am. Sherlynn hates chocolate?
Gears clanking. Making mental note. Clank, clank. Remembering, remembering. Please stand by.
Nope. Forgot it again. Damn.
Thanks for all the glowing words. Trust me when I say meeting me in person is not all it's cracked up to be. I'm that freaky outcast you always ignored in high school. I'm that guy who ends a sentence that makes you wonder, "How is it possible for a person to be quite this uneducated?"
Now, Sher, on the other hand, is one of those people who ya just gotta talk to real-time over the phone (or in person) to believe. She's got this authoritative, deep voice (but not lacking femininity, as she will tell you) that is soothing to listen to. She can carry a conversation by herself, though she always give you a chance to throw in your two-cents, even when your two-cents amount to only one. LABN was great without Sher. It got that much better when she arrived. I always felt that Dave, Heather, Kristen, and Robin were the "big kids" around the site. Sher quickly fit in with them.
While I'm thinking about it, Adam and Louisa and April felt like the siblings Mom and Dad loved best.
The rest of us were the trouble children, including Amanda, Mantheana and our potential slayer, Jessica Travers. That was fun. I don't have a category for Tarix. She was always so good to write me, though. Nice, nice girl. Very insecure about school. How's she doing? Still around?
So I hurt my back. Dave, you wrote:
Bottom line, it is better to be a fat lazy programmer then a more physically active person who isn't careful. Or something like that.
Yes, I agree to a point. But the thing is, it was because I was a fat, lazy cartoon-drawing guy that I hurt my back. Honestly, it happened just by my leaning over the table for four hours at a time. Karie suggests sitting on an over sized ball while I type. It's supposed to be good for one's posture.
I got semi-in shape over the summer. I bicycled the hour trek (on my Trek) into Eureka to visit Karie every weekend. Then the bad weather arrived, and I stopped, gaining all the weight back. Now she lives too far away to reach on my bike. I've been forced to start using a step machine for a half an hour a day. See if I can fit into my 32-inch waists again. . .someday. Doesn't make me healthy, though. Not while I'm sucking on cigarettes and wine.
on another subject, my mother cannot resist the idea of going to Vegas. She's seriously whipped by those slot machines. She'll be coming along. We might change hotels. I'll take her for her morning walk down to the casino and let her loose. I'll pick her up when it's time to go home. Her bed will remain 'un-slept' in.
Ran into a small snag. The bus I was going to take down to Southern California leaves at 6:00 am. My graveyard shift doesn't finish until 7:00 am. I can't very well cut a day out of the trip. Can you imagine me saying to my grandparents, "I'll visit you for a day, then I'm going to spend two with my friends"? I'm thinking I'll have to save more money, if possible, and take a plane down.
I better call mum and see how the plans are going. So much for my adult trip all by my little lonesome. :) I just hope she can stand four hours of They Might Be Giants in the CD player. Heh.
Thanks, Nikolai, for the links to Steve. I'll check those out next time I've got some time on the computer.
And, Sher, you are special. As the Joker once said, "You are my number one guy." Just gotta ignore the "guy" part.
Hell, you're all special. Karie is a little annoyed that I'm choosing to go to this thing with my "Internet friends" instead of going to a wedding with her. But hey, man! I got the invite to Vegas first.
Its Still Sid
Oh...my how I've missed that. It's so good to have you back, Sid...and Sher, you know it would have been all sorts of wrong to never share. You had him all to yourself for a while, but something like this is just the kind of thing you want your friends to get joy from as well. In any case, thanks for luring Sid back into the fold.
As for Vegas, I can't tell you all how excited I am that you're all really coming. I'm thrilled. Seriously. Can hardly wait for April to arrive. Yay!
Its Still Sid
It's not Sher's fault. Part of the truth is I felt bad. Much because of you, Kristen. Nothing you did. But I screwed up your storyline. You worked hard on the Mariah storyline, and I worked hard incorporating it into Sam's tale. My TAIL was between my legs for a long time over that one.
And Sid's excited, too. Sid's arriving on a plane. I'm flying on a jet plane! Whoo. Hoo.
Okay, I'm drawing too much attention to myself. But thanks for all the welcome back Kotter posts. I'm re-incoporated now.
The Heroscape board is set up. Time to kick my brother's ass. Gotta go do that.
Its Still Sid
I feel left out of this conversation so im taking the liberty to introduce myself: *Ahem clears throat* Hi, Im SHAUN! (like the capitalization of my name, thats my over inflated sense of self worth acting up again ;) Im the resident neighbourhood.....ummm what am I really....hmmm *note to self, need to find what is unique about me in the LABN community*
I think I joined like right after you left, which is a shame cause your writing is tres enjoyable. Maybe you should think about ohhh i dont know, resubmitting a character...you know whatever....its just an idea.
Anyways salut bonjour allo hi hello nice to meet you!
Its Still Sid
Yeah I did keep Sam/Sid/Jeff/Jeppi to myself. But only because I could and I just wouldn't let him ignore me. And also because for reasons I still have yet to understand (even though he explained his shame above), he just wasn't ready to accept accolades. My guess is that he still isn't, and I don't really want to scare him off.
I gave them to him nonetheless. He deflected them rather deftly but I still raved. I love the way this guy writes. Since the first day I explored LABN and he was writing his character as a stone racist -- not maliciously, just as a result of his environs, I fell hard for his writing. People shy away from that because it's not PC, but he was writing honestly and openly. It was great. I was so drawn to him.
I would wait until I saw his name pop up on Messenger and stalk him and then mug him for conversation. Great, absolutely great Messenger conversations that I'm sure he doesn't remember. I was always disappointed when he had to go to work, or relinquish the computer to his brother, or actually live his life and leave me -- alone -- in Messenger.
Those who came to LABN after Siddy left may not get all this regalia for the benefit of one character/person. I implore you to read some of his stuff if you can find it. He made me a better writer. He made me start submitting to contests. I love when he reads my stuff. I want to impress him.
But enough about him. A caution -- don't praise him too highly because he gets all squirrelly.
And just so you know my beliefs, Jeppi hasn't cornered the market on great writing here at LABN. Though I've been absent of late, I've always kept my toe in the LABN pool -- it's always been my home page. We're a community of imaginative, thoughtful, creative beings. The stuff I've read has been amazing and the stuff I didn't have time to read, I have faith was just as astounding.
I kinda fell into the Jeppi school believing that if I didn't have the time to read everything, it wasn't fair of me to post and expect you all to extend to me what I didn't have the time to extend to you, so I let Parasol fall by the wayside. Who wanted to read Parasol anyway.
Okay, enough about this Jeppi phantom and my orgasms of praise -- literary orgasms that is.
FYI, for those who were at the Reseda CP, I'm right now making barbecued chicken wings -- and I'm gonna eat them all.
I see you Shaun, you young Turk, you!! No introduction necessary. Just us old ass old school folks talking about the olden days.
Its Still Sid
And Sherlyn's writing is impressive. The problem with me is I'm an intolerable critic. I always see how a piece of writing can be made better, and I will go on for days about what what can be changed. In the end, I'm a big windbag who doesn't know what he's talking about, and anything I say will only discourage people. Yet another reason I quit this site.
As an example, Sher graciously allowed me to read part of a script she was working on. I blindsided it as I would a short story that I've written. I ended up tearing it apart. It was much later that I started reading about script-writing, how to do it. I then realized that everything I'd said to her was wrong. Not only that, the images she'd inspired stuck with me--which is exactly what a script is supposed to do. I "saw" her story. But because I was careless with my criticisms, I think I might have damaged her confidence in her work. (Just a guess, not that that's what happened.)
I did the same thing to Amanda. I tried to tell her how to write. I am so angry at myself for opening my big fat mouth. I had FUN writing with Amanda. Why inject technique? You can't censor someone's style. Well, no, I take that back. You can. I sure tried.
I learn by voicing my thoughts; I don't always know if what I'm saying is what I really mean. I need to hear my mind out loud in order to agree or disagree with myself. Yup: I talk too much.
Thank for the nice words about me, Sher. You will always go out of your way to make me feel better--whether the compliments are deserved or not. In the end, it just makes me squirrelly, as you said. But I'm aware. I know how I write, and my stuff is deeply flawed.
Hi, Shaun. Nice to meet you. Someday I'll be online on Messenger (I'm at work now), and we'll shoot the sheet. I hope to meet all the "new" players.
Bear with me, Shaun. I think I'm the center of certain attentions right now, just as LABN has been dominating my waking thoughts. That will pass. I don't intend to fill this board with my hot air forever. It's just that I'm excited to be back and want to carve a niche for myself, a warm place to visit. (And this is the ONLY site that means that to me. I don't even visit the community board of my "real-life" friends.) My presence might be kind of annoying for those of you who don't know me. I don't want to detract from the game in any way.
Yea, though: I get character ideas all the time, Shaun. Thanks for the idea of writing up a character. But I'm a flake, plain and simple. I don't have the time to devote to all that is required of LABN membership. It's not just writing. It's also reading the frequent posts. And it's scheduling game-time, that is, time to meet on-line so actual GAMING can take place. I spread myself a little thin last time I haunted this site. IT WAS DAMN PLEASURABLE, but it was consuming. And there's just no way I could catch up on three seasons of storyline. Makes me wish I'd never left, because I'm curious about what has occurred.
Actually, I logged on to read about this Steve character that Nikolai mentioned. I just can't stop answering posts! :) Tee-hee. Guess I'll work my way THATAWAY. Seeya.
Steve the Not So Ancient Evil
That was cute. Very Buffy-like.
Gotta tell you, though, the star of that post was Smith. I guess I'm just in love with flawed characters. He was much more interesting than a competent vampire hunter would have been. Your "trio" would make wonderful rivals. Takes two of them to make a half-wit sort of thing. :lol:
A vampire is just a vampire, but an incompetent wizard, a not-so-ancient evil, and a hemophiliac are to be remembered.
Nice.
Its Still Sid
And that's why I want to do more with them. In fact, I may well bring back the hunter a foil to them. I'm thinking of doing a script for them, actually. Either a film or show, try to sell the idea - which would, quite frankly, be neat if it got picked up.
Its Still Sid
Hey Heather, practically 2 years after I joined and im STILL referred to as a new player.... :roll:
Anyways, as for taking attention, haunt the site as much as you can, it seems the boards have slowed down abit over the last few weeks so the more posts the better! (Slash, thats another reason to make a new character, more actual GAME posts!.....Like I should talk, i havent posted in a few weeks either :wink:
Its Still Sid
oooooh *prods* :mrgreen: *HUGS*
ok, i'm done with the smother now, hehe
Sid, i think you think too much sometimes :wink: but we luv you anywhos :mrgreen:
in other news: hi!
hehe
... now that wasn't obscure at all :?
Its Still Sid
Amanda! I'm so happy! I'd forgotten you're actual name (beat me with a stick; how could I have forgotten; oh yea: pot, wine, and cigarettes) but AMANDA! Yay! You don't know what this means to me. You're alive! My buddy!
Nikolai, work on your script. When you're famous, you can tell everyone where you got started. :)
Darian, you're only a new player to me, I'm sure. I meant no insult.
I've already made a new characters for this site in my mind. Wont' play them. Can't commit. Maybe I can post my ideas as NPCs. One girl already did that.
Okay, gotta rest now. Amanda lives. Amanda, Amanda, Amanda.
Its Still Sid
It's Adam, dude. Then again, I'm an easy one to lose track of. *waits for Louisa to make remark about changing PCs*
Its Still Sid
Mwahahahaha :twisted:
Its Still Sid
Shaun, you are our resident fairy...er Fae, I meant. :evil:
Don't let Jeppi suck all of you into his self-deprecating black hole. You wouldn't be here if you didn't write a mean streak. Everyone (yes, even the ones who only write a post a year) has talent here BAR NONE.
The fact that Sid/Jeppi.Jeff is back is a cause for celebration...he and Greg are the only two players who ever left voluntarily. And it was like losing a roommate in college or a long-time friend who moved away.
Greg still pokes his head in occasionally (like Sid) and says he's still alive (or in Greg's case getting married) but it was good to know we had not been forgotten.
We just want you to know that you were not forgotten either.
Sherl, don't let anyone outshine you. You are my Number 2 babe (only cause I am married) and it is always an thrill when I see your name on a post becausei know i am in for a treat.
Its Still Sid
Darn you, Adam. I had no idea I was talking to you. I'm getting so confused with all of the identity-switching. Makes sense, I guess. Mardi Gras and masked balls are just around the corner.
Is it any wonder I still can't remember Mantheana and Jessica Travers real names? Or Tarix's?
Everyone should be forced to wear name tags.
Its Still Sid
Okay, quick recap for the misinformed, or... chemically unbalanced ;)
Mantheana = Boojy, aka Hannah
Jessica Travers = Alice
(Gee, I hope I got those two the right way around, I still say they're one and the same)
...and last but not least, Tarix is played by our very dear Saadia.
Its Still Sid
Thank you. I've been hoping someone would tell me.
If I may repeat myself, how could I ever have forgotten names that I typed regularly? Oh yea. Chemically imbalanced. And misinformed. Sid's a Pooh of very little brain.
Its Still Sid
hehe no insult taken. I made the comment more for Heather cause I used to bitch to her about being called the newbie ;)
Its Still Sid
It'll be a cold day on LABN when an "Ancient" is considered a newbie.
Its Still Sid
Or an Elder a "Loose End" (I seem to remember you had achieved that level before your hiatus)
Its Still Sid
Thanks so much for words of encouragement.
Its Still Sid
Damn, Dave. Do you know what I'd do to have your memory? Why I'd. . .I'd. . .
Lean over, big fella, and let me whisper it to ya.
:twisted:
I now see why you moved this thread to the member's lounge.
Sher, your Dave's #2 baby and my #1. :)
Its Still Sid
:oops:
Now, if I could only secure a man that wasn't some other woman's, on the other side of the country, and/or young enough to be my kid, I'd be in business.
There are other requirements, but best not to scare the children.
Its Still Sid
Or married!
Its Still Sid
I count that in the "other woman's" column -- and I quit doin' the do with married men over a quarter of a century ago, dammitall!
Its Still Sid
There does seem to be something of a lack of eligible men on this board, huh? I wonder why that is.
Its Still Sid
I don't know, Daye. I was going to say because we're so great. But now that I think about it
1) I smoke
2) I drink
3) I look like I smoke and drink
4) I'm dumb
5) I'm uneducated
6) I'm monumentally depressed and anxiety ridden
7) I'm purblind, wandering through life until I stumble across death.
I guess treating a woman right really is all a man needs to keep her.
Pay attention, you boys, to Sid the Master of Luuuv.
8)
Its Still Sid
Wow with that advice, maybe I can finally get myself a girlfriend......I dont know why im just never able to find one :wink:
Its Still Sid
Okay -- all this banter is real sweet, really it is. No. Really.
Eligible men are no longer my concern since the ones that impress me seem to all fit into the aforementioned categories. I'm just glad for the hours of MSN conversation with Dave and Sid which really did get my literary motor going (in just sleazy enough fashion to not insult their egos because face it, everyone loves attention from the opposite/same sex, depending on your swing).
But I never forget that Adam was the one who listened to me cry bitter salty tears on the phone for an hour.
Kris -- You know me. I'm waaay to earnest to be a serious femme fatale. I just think macking on the ineligible guys around here is harmless wholesome fun and keeps my groove from leaving me altogether.
At my age, Dr. Luuvvv, there are a few more things but they are impossible to have -- like no ex-wives or some other woman's ill-raised children.
Which is why I hang out here.
Its Still Sid
Surely you jest. Are you saying you wouldn't hang out with us if you had a good man? :(
Okay, everyone let's put a hex on Sherlynn. Hex her good. NO MAN FOR SHERLYNN. I've a strong emotional need for everyone to stay on the board. EVERYONE. And if Sher leaves, I just don't know how I'd react. 8O
Its Still Sid
Shaun, I don't know how old you are, but when I was in my twenties, I was thin and cute, but so hateful of myself I couldn't find a girl either. I worked in a restaurant--Denny's.
Years later, my current girlfriend (Karie) told me that she had come in as a customer with her friends to drool over me---this is years before we met, mind you. I never knew.
So, maybe, Mr. Shaun, you have a secret admirer. Open your eyes.
Its Still Sid
Of course I'd still hang out here -- I can multitask -- just maybe not as much.
But I don't need no stinking hexes. I can not get a man without magic, thank you very much.
Besides, I'm getting to be pretty happy without one. I write a lot. I work. I live my life.
Its Still Sid
I'm still going to hex you. Because with my mad skills, I'll end up screwing the spell all to Hades and actually attract a man for you.
You're welcome.
Its Still Sid
Thats very sweet, but im not really hoping to get a girlfriend...well not unless I want to piss off my boyfriend :D
Its Still Sid
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAH.
Oh, Shaun, Shaun, Shaun. You got ol' Sid good. Me very small. You very big.
HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHA. Amidala: "Sid, you assume too much."
:D
Bravo. Tell your boyfriend I bow down and step back and now shall open MY eyes.
Its Still Sid
Haha, don't worry, Shaun. You'll get a girlfriend, and her name will be Ted :wink:
Its Still Sid
LOL! Yes, and quite broad shouldered with a chisled jaw, hehe :wink:
Its Still Sid
nadia from big brother i actuley give respect to the surgon fucking good job untill she talked anyway
http://theinternetforum.co.uk/bigbrother5/nadia1.html
Its Still Sid
So where is this Jean person whom I'd been told about? I thought I'd have a fellow haunter of LABN to play with.
Its Still Sid
Jean doesn't post much. When she does, it's as Merlona. Mostly she just hangs about on msn. You'll be meeting her in Las Vegas, though. :)
Its Still Sid
Oh, goodie. Sherlyn told me that, actually.
Its Still Sid
AAAARRRG!
There I was, sitting at the computer, half-asleep, half-reading a fiction site, when the phone rang. Well, for years now I've been avoiding telemarketers by telling them they have the wrong number. And since my truth-telling kick, I've been letting the answering machine pick up. But today I answered and I heard this very professional sounding voice. Old habits clicked in and I said I wasn't home. As I was LYING I was hitting a semi-conscious state of alarm. My voice got shaky, and I continued to LIE.
Oh my god.
It turned out to be a friend on the phone. That was a good thing. That's not the point of this story.
I LIED.
I was put into a state of shock. I've been doing so good. At work, I've been mastering the art of not renting to scumbags without telling them why. I can't very well say, "You're obviously on crack, so I can't rent to you." So I find ways to make them believe we don't have rooms without actually saying so.
Up until this moment, I was feeling so clean. I liked being a person who could be trusted to, when he spoke, speak only the truth.
Honestly, I'm still in shock. So I must confess now, like I'm in some twelve-step AA program. I invite anyone to throw bananas at me. Now I have to start completely over.
I used to be able to lie without a second thought. Now it's like a punch to the stomach. I've just ruined my whole day.
I guess I'm not Superman yet. I'm still "practicing."
Its Still Sid
But lying to telemarketers should not be thought of as a bad thing. It should be thought of as sport. For example: immediately upon asking for "Mr. Haines," tell them that they have indeed reached the Revrend Haines. When they try to sell you home improvments, you should mention in passing that what you really need is someone to repair the damage caused by the go-rilla. Then after describing the damage to the church he caused, ask for an amen for the go-rilla.
Or have to be interupted to hell the occassion correction to the Satanic ritual in preparation. Usually something about the goat's blood will do it. Or the goat. Also making the pentagram correctly.
My utter, absolute favourite though is speaking with a heavy accent, usually in imitation of Lars Svenonius. They expect a potential accent from the last name, especially if they pronounce the name correctly. They don't expect a heavy sweedish accent, accompanied by mumbling, which can be barely understood.
Its Still Sid
I think you both spend too much time humouring these people. Remember, power is held by s/he who hangs up :wink:
Spare yourself the pain Siddy, just d/c the gimps :D
Its Still Sid
Hmm, one telemarketer got nasty with me last night. I was on the computer, minding my own business, when the phone rang. Naturally, I was mad, considering we have dial up. So I answered it:
Me: "Hello?"
Telemarketer: "Is Mr. Henderson there?"
M: "No; who's this?"
T: "Jasmine. Is this Mrs. Henderson?"
M: "Why are you calling?"
T: "Is this Mrs. Henderson?"
M: "Why are you calling?"
T: "Is this Mrs. Henderson?"
M: "Why are you calling?"
T: "Is this Mrs. Henderson?"
M: "No; why are you calling?"
T: "None of your damn business, bitch."
Naturally pissed off, I hung up (only because my mom was right next to me :? )
True story, I swear to you.